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Band 5

With the improvements in today’s health care, society has to care for more and more elderly people. Do you feel that society will be able to cope with the increase in numbers of elderly people today and how can it be managed? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#improvements #today’s #health #care #society #people #numbers
The advancement of health
care
of
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in
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this
cutting edge
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cutting-edge
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 era
,
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apply
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has
Add the particle
tohas
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lead
Wrong verb form
led
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 to
considerable
Correct article usage
a considerable
show examples
Correct your spelling
increment
increament
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increase
 in the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of elderly
people
. Whether
this
Correct your spelling
situation
sitution
Correct your spelling
situation
 is
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managed
manageable
manageble
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managed
 by
the
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apply
show examples
society
 needs to be analysed. The following paragraphs clearly examine why
,
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apply
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 I agree that
people
 can cope with aged
people
.
To begin
 with, when there is
an
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apply
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advanced technology for health
care
, it can really help to automate many things and by that
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caretakers
show examples
care takers
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caretakers
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 can take less time
for
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apply
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treating the elderly and they will be
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independent
independant
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independent
 to some extent.
In other words
, taking
care
 of many elderly might be a
tidious
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tedious
 task for
people
, but with the help of automated technical
devices
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,devices
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 they can reduce the intensity of work. To make it more clear, elderly
people
needs
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need
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 more
care
 and clear observation needed if they have serious problems,
moreover
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,moreover
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 if there are many aged
people
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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there, it is very difficult for the carers to reach out
every
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to every
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 individual
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simultaneously
simultaniously
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simultaneously
.
This
 situation can be resolved by
the
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apply
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modern
health
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healthcare
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care
 units.
For example
, automated wheel-chares help the elderly to travel without
others
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others'
other's
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 help.
Hence
, it is clear that if
people
 are independent at some level
society
 can relatively cope with older
people
.
However
, there are times when elders are very needy.
Due to the
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The
show examples
reluctancy
Correct your spelling
reluctance
show examples
 of the elderly to adapt
with
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to
show examples
 modern
society
 can be a strenuous task for
the
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apply
show examples
society
. For more clarification, it is clear that
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
 always stick with the
Correct your spelling
indigenous
ingenious
indegenous
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indigenous
 idea of treatment and so on. So,
the
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apply
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society
 might have to take alternate measures in order to keep the balance of
the
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apply
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society
. In conclusion, it is clear that
the
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apply
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society
 can cope with aged ones if they are willing to adapt
with
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to
show examples
 modern
society
. The more they are accepting the modern generation the more they get
the
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apply
show examples
care
.
Submitted by razab5469 on

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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