Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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In the modern age, there is an upward tendency among children to dedicate several hours a day to working on their phones.
While
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it may stem from their curiosity and the prevalence of technology, I contend that it is highly detrimental for them
due to
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the reasons
this
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essay
further
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elaborates on. One potential reason behind
this
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phenomenon is the intrinsic and insatiable curiosity in children.
This
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internal desire prompts them to explore the unknown and allocate a significant amount of
time
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to figuring it all out.
Consequently
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, they pursue
this
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exploration as their daily preferred activity. Alternatively, the advent of cutting-edge technology entices them
further
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. The abundance of sources on the internet,
coupled with
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the introduction of new features at a light-pace speed, fuels their desire to try out new things and
thus
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, be engaged with them for prolonged periods of
time
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. To illustrate, after the advent of YouTube Kids, many families reported an intensified use of mobile phones among their youngsters as they wanted to search for new cartoons.
However
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, satisfying their needs comes at a cost, making it a pressing issue.
Firstly
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, they may do permanent damage to their eyesight or spinal by hunching over their phones for hours.
Additionally
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, a notable decline would occur in terms of their academic education.
This
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downturn is mainly because these gadgets serve as distractions, occupying kids' mental capacity reserved for studying;
therefore
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, they'd fail to cultivate essential skills required for development
such
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as problem-solving.
Hence
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, it poses significant challenges to their future educational prospects and potential self-development. To minimize the negative implications, it is necessary for parents to communicate the repercussions with them and implement clear instructions regarding their screen
time
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.
To conclude
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,
although
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kids are keen on spending a lion's share of
time
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with their smartphones, I firmly believe that it has not only immediate but
also
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preceding detrimental effects on them. In fact, they may harm their physical health or risk their entire academic life. Ultimately, it is essential for parents to forge open communications and hinder excessive usage to reduce the potential negative impacts.
Submitted by bita.rezaei7052 on

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task achievement
While your essay effectively presents and supports main ideas, incorporating more varied and more specific examples could further strengthen your task achievement. Examples from different contexts (e.g., social, psychological) would provide a more comprehensive perspective.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is logically structured and includes clear, well-developed paragraphs. However, using transitions more explicitly between paragraphs could enhance the flow even more and make the connections between ideas clearer.
task achievement
Your essay provides a complete and pertinent response to the prompt, addressing both the reasons behind children's smartphone usage and the implications of this behavior.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both clear and effective, providing a strong framework for your argument.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay, including clear and focused paragraphs, makes your argument easy to follow.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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