IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

With the advancement in healthcare and technology, people now have a longer lifespan. Some argue that the retirement age which is normally 60 to 65 years of age should be adjusted to 70 years or even higher. To what extent do you agree with this opinion? Give reason and example to state your stance

#advancement #healthcare #technology #people #lifespan #argue #retirement #age #years #reason #stance
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
this
Linking Words
 developed world, with the advancement in healthcare and technology, the average lifespan is increasing.
People
Use synonyms
 argue that the
retirement
Use synonyms
age
Use synonyms
 should be adjusted to 70 years
instead
Linking Words
 of 60 to 65 years. In my opinion, there is no right or wrong because the evacuation
age
Use synonyms
 depends on the situation and nature of
work
Use synonyms
.
People
Use synonyms
 in developed countries are expected to live longer than before.
In addition
Linking Words
, with advanced technology and good healthcare policies,
people
Use synonyms
 live healthier and more robust. For that reason, the
retirement
Use synonyms
age
Use synonyms
 might be increased, and
people
Use synonyms
 can continue to
work
Use synonyms
 well into their 60s, 70s or even 80s. Some
people
Use synonyms
 keep working to earn money, while others love what they do and want to continue their
work
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, Warren Buffet, one of the most successful investors in the world, is still working at 92-year-old. Many others,
such
Linking Words
 as scientists, writers, designers, investors, etc, continue to
work
Use synonyms
, and their contribution to the economy and society is undeniable. While most economists recommend increasing the
retirement
Use synonyms
age
Use synonyms
, for some businesses which are dangerous or need heavy physical strength,
such
Linking Words
 as firemen and construction workers, the
retirement
Use synonyms
age
Use synonyms
 might be lower than in other companies. In some research, older workers suffer from declining productivity and health, especially those engaged in heavy physical jobs. In that context, the
retirement
Use synonyms
age
Use synonyms
 is reduced. In conclusion, with continued improvement in health care and life expectancy,
people
Use synonyms
 can spend their time working as long as possible.
However
Linking Words
, depending on the nature of
work
Use synonyms
 and certain circumstant,
people
Use synonyms
 can decide when is the suitable time to retire
Submitted by buiphuongmai on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • lifespan, life expectancy, retirement age, seasoned workforce, job market, pension schemes, technological advancements, psychological considerations, cultural shifts, automation, Artificial Intelligence (AI), financial implications, healthcare costs, societal impact
What to do next:
Look at other essays: