IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that teenager should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time . This can be benefit teenagers and the community as well . To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #teenager #community #work #time #benefit #teenagers
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There are a lot of young
people
Use synonyms
go
Correct pronoun usage
who go
show examples
 to do unpaid
community
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 after school. Some
people
Use synonyms
 think that it is good for both young
people
Use synonyms
 and the
community
Use synonyms
. My view is that unpaid
community
Use synonyms
 jobs can provide teenagers and the
community
Use synonyms
 with a lot of advantages.
First
Linking Words
, it is obvious that young
people
Use synonyms
 can have a good experience
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
doing
community
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is because they need to learn how to communicate with different kinds of
people
Use synonyms
 who are living in
this
Linking Words
community
Use synonyms
 and how to
work
Use synonyms
 together. So they can learn something different
that is
Linking Words
 not from books.
Moreover
Linking Words
, young
people
Use synonyms
 can build
a good relationships
Correct the article-noun agreement
good relationships
a good relationship
show examples
 with other
people
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, young
people
Use synonyms
 can meet
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
other
people
Use synonyms
 who are
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
similar age and they can make friends easier after working together.
Therefore
Linking Words
, young
people
Use synonyms
 should have more friends in the same area and have a better memory.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the government can save money for the
community
Use synonyms
 because young
people
Use synonyms
 can do some
community
Use synonyms
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 for free.
For instance
Linking Words
, teenagers can clean the
community
Use synonyms
’s park regularly, so that the government can spend less money on it.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the government can use that money to organize some activities for the public. In summary, I think that it is good for teenagers to attend some different events of
community
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 without pay, which will be a good experience for them in the future. So, it is good for parents to encourage their young kids to do some
community
Use synonyms
 jobs.
Submitted by yingfengli630 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • mandatory
  • community service
  • empathy
  • real-world issues
  • problem-solving skills
  • social skills
  • networks
  • constructive
  • detrimental activities
  • college applications
  • job resumes
What to do next:
Look at other essays: