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Band 6

Some people believe that teenager should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time . This can be benefit teenagers and the community as well . To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #teenager #community #work #time #benefit #teenagers
There are a lot of young
people
go
Correct pronoun usage
who go
show examples
 to do unpaid
community
work
 after school. Some
people
 think that it is good for both young
people
 and the
community
. My view is that unpaid
community
 jobs can provide teenagers and the
community
 with a lot of advantages.
First
, it is obvious that young
people
 can have a good experience
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
doing
community
work
.
This
 is because they need to learn how to communicate with different kinds of
people
 who are living in
this
community
 and how to
work
 together. So they can learn something different
that is
 not from books.
Moreover
, young
people
 can build
a good relationships
Correct the article-noun agreement
good relationships
a good relationship
show examples
 with other
people
.
For example
, young
people
 can meet
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
other
people
 who are
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
similar age and they can make friends easier after working together.
Therefore
, young
people
 should have more friends in the same area and have a better memory.
On the other hand
, the government can save money for the
community
 because young
people
 can do some
community
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 for free.
For instance
, teenagers can clean the
community
’s park regularly, so that the government can spend less money on it.
Moreover
, the government can use that money to organize some activities for the public. In summary, I think that it is good for teenagers to attend some different events of
community
work
 without pay, which will be a good experience for them in the future. So, it is good for parents to encourage their young kids to do some
community
 jobs.
Submitted by yingfengli630 on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • mandatory
  • community service
  • empathy
  • real-world issues
  • problem-solving skills
  • social skills
  • networks
  • constructive
  • detrimental activities
  • college applications
  • job resumes
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