IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that physical strength is important for success in sport, while other people think that mental strength is more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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It is true that the question of whether it is more important to be strong mentally or physically remains a source of controversy in the
sports
Use synonyms
 field.
While
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 a number of people believe that no sportsperson can reach the top without the mental qualities of determination and dedication, I would argue that the basis for success must be
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
physical
strength
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, all
sports
Use synonyms
 trainers recognize the necessity of a strong mental attitude.
Firstly
Linking Words
, if trainers cannot foster a competitive spirit or even a win-at-all-costs attitude, the sportspeople whom they train may lack the necessary motivation to work hard and succeed. Hours spent training in the gym,
for instance
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, may be repetitive and boring, and aspiring athletes need to stay focused.
Secondly
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, in any kind of sport, there will be bitter disappointments or failures, and it is essential to be mentally strong to overcome these and achieve one’s goal.
In particular
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, in the world of professional
sports
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, where news coverage places too much value on
sports
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, it is impossible to have a laid-back attitude and still succeed.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I believe that physical
strength
Use synonyms
 must play the core role of all success in
sports
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 it is true that many people prefer taking up sport simply to get into shape or to keep fit, those who are ambitious to make it to the top must be physically strong. Take
sports
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such
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 as weightlifting, judo, or boxing as an example. Yet all other
sports
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also
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 require physical
strength
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 for stamina and endurance, even sailing or horse-riding. Some
sports
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 stars,
for instance
Linking Words
, even used banned substances, like performance-enhancing drugs, in order to maintain ideal physical condition, risking their careers. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 both physical and mental
strength
Use synonyms
 certainly
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 some validity in
sports
Use synonyms
, it seems to me that it is impossible to be successful without being physically strong.

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Task Response
Your essay presents a clear position on the topic and addresses both views effectively. However, the reasoning behind why physical strength is more important could be further elaborated to provide a stronger argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Make sure to use appropriate transition words and phrases to enhance the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.
Lexical Resource
Your use of vocabulary is generally effective, but consider incorporating a wider range of academic and sports-related vocabulary to demonstrate depth of lexical resource.
Grammatical Range
While your essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and sentence structures, aim to vary your sentence structures and use more complex grammatical forms for a higher score.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • physical conditioning
  • athleticism
  • physical training
  • muscle strength
  • mental resilience
  • psychological preparedness
  • mental toughness
  • confidence
  • precision
  • focus
  • mental strategies
  • mental fortitude
  • brute strength
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