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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In more and more countries, people choose to give money on special occasions rather than personally giving gifts. Why might this be the case? Is it a positive or negative development

#countries #people #money #occasions #gifts #be #case #development
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A considerable number of individuals in the world are more interested in giving cash
instead
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 of presents when they have to take part in celebrations as it would be
time
Correct article usage
a time
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 as well as
cost effective
Add a hyphen
cost-effective
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 way of giving gifts.Though there are some downsides ,I opine that
this
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as
Correct your spelling
is
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 a positive development since
money
Use synonyms
 would be more advantageous for the receiver to carter their expenses which they had in celebrating
this
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 occasion as everything in the world comes at a price nowadays.
First
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 and foremost,in
this
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 concurrent world,people are busy most of the time with their work.Due to the lack of time,they find it
as
Change preposition
apply
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the easiest way of giving gifts.
Moreover
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,people believe that it would be much more beneficial for the receiver than various kinds of
Add an article
the gift
a gift
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gift
Fix the agreement mistake
gifts
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 because they would be able to invest
this
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money
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
for
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 a specific purpose.
Similarly
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,it
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also
Add a missing verb
is also
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 a
Add a hyphen
cost-effective
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cost effective
Add a hyphen
cost-effective
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 way of giving presents. Participating
to
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in
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 a celebration means spending a plethora of cash.
Therefore
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,most
of
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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individuals prefer to spend less
bydeducting
Correct your spelling
by deducting
deducting
 the expenses they require when they go out
for
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apply
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shopping
,
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apply
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because it will create artificial wants either.
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Likewise
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,Likewise
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 financial gift is portable rather than carrying heavy and large presents.
On the other hand
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,it can be considered
as
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apply
show examples
a positive development because
,
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apply
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the organizing party have to spend a large amount of
money
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
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 arranging the occasion.
Hence
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,when they are given
money
Use synonyms
 ,it would assist them to pay back their debts up to a certain extent.
Furthermore
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,the majority of people would not be able to purchase whatever the receiver
in
Add a missing verb
is in
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need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
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 or
interested
Add a missing verb
is interested
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 in.
Thus
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,the
present
Replace the word
presence
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 they gained may or may not be important for organizers. On the whole,even though they can make use of the presents they receive or keep them as memorials,I concur with the fact that presenting cash benefits them
most
Correct article usage
the most
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.
Submitted by poojatharuka on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial flexibility
  • recipient
  • unwanted gift
  • busy lifestyles
  • cultural shifts
  • socially acceptable
  • monetary gifts
  • practical
  • uncertain economic times
  • essential expenses
  • personal preferences
  • tastes and preferences
  • safer choice
  • climate consciousness
  • waste and sustainability
  • unnecessary production and consumption
  • freedom to choose
  • recipient’s needs and desires
  • giving money
  • special occasions
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