IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Ownership of mobile phones has risen dramatically in recent years despite the potentially harmful effects they may have on our health and on society. Governments should introduce measures to restrict ownership of mobile phones to those who need them for their work. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement.

#ownership #phones #years #effects #health #society #governments #measures #work
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In recent decades, the reliance on mobile
phones
 has risen dramatically and it has become an integral part of our everyday lives.
However
, many suggest these devices have a negative health impact on our society and governments should implement certain restrictive measures to limit their usage. The arguments in favour of the benefits of these mobile
phones
 are strong, especially since we have entered the digital era.
Firstly
, their use has allowed us to communicate at any time from anywhere which is enabling a more safe and more secure society.
Secondly
, it is argued the mobile phone industry has and continues to contribute positively to various economies by creating a large number of job opportunities. Starting with manufacturing, logistics, software development and sales, among others.
Finally
, it is generally agreed
phones
 have greatly contributed to the development of online education which was critical to the continuation of the learning process during the pandemic.
However
, there are strong arguments against the use of mobile
phones
 as they impose mental and physical health risks on us. To start with, it is often pointed out that while it enables faster and more open communications, it makes people less likely to socialize physically with each other.
In other words
, friends would spend time chatting with each other, as opposed to seeing each other or hanging out.
Secondly
, it is often claimed that spending too much time looking at a screen, will result in neck pain and would
also
 strain the eyes.
Furthermore
, research studies show that there is a rise in online bullying ,especially among young teens . All these are leading to mental and physical health issues. On balance, I believe that it would be undesirable to impose nationwide restrictions on
phones
 as it would create a global economic crisis that would impact people's well-being.
Instead
, I would encourage introducing proper learning and awareness on proper usage of
phones
 at schools to enable a more educated generation.
Submitted by elzein.houssam on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: