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Writing Samples
Band 5

More and more young people from wealthy countries are spending a short time doing unpaid work such as teaching or building houses for communities in poorer countries. Why people choose to do so? Who will benefit more: young people or the communities?

#people #countries #time #work #houses #communities #benefit
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Evidence shows there are manifold youngsters from rich communities who become volunteers to do some activities as
a
Correct article usage
apply
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temporary
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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 without getting paid.
In addition
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, they tend to build houses ,
teach
Correct word choice
and teach
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 some difficult subjects
such
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 as math to pupils who live in financially weak societies. There are several reasons for these matters. In
this
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 essay, not only will I write about real causes but
also
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 we will find out to what extent there are advantages to both sides.
To begin
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 with, the most essential reason is young people enjoy being useful and effective.
In other words
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, when adolescents leave school, looking for something satisfaction,
Correct your spelling
teenagers
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teen-agers
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teenagers
show examples
 are considered to do something varying from regular activities. Many of them rather
to
Remove the marker
apply
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be
Add an article
a volunteer
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volunteer
Fix the agreement mistake
volunteers
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 to do free careers. Take joining music clubs which perform for children suffering from illnesses like cancer
by
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for
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 free as an example; young individuals
think
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tothink
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experience
Wrong verb form
experiencing
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these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
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 of
occupationts
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occupations
occupation
 not only
effects
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affects
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on
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apply
show examples
their perspective on
future
Correct article usage
the future
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 but
also
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 they learn how to work in a team and communicate with other people. On the other side, the administrators in poor countries utilize candidates to do countless
projects
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such
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 as building schools, working in
the
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apply
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hospitals and teaching children ,etc.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
one
Correct article usage
the one
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 hand, the employer does not have to
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involve
involve in
involved
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be involvein
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involvein
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involved
 in
amount
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the amount
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 of financial processes.
On the other hand
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, their
projects
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 going to finish early ,since the energy and eagerness of young ones
is
Change the verb form
are
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 unlimited.
Moreover
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, in my
Correct your spelling
point
plain
poin
Correct your spelling
point
 of view, there are lots of benefits for both sides.
However
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, the employers' drawbacks are not
ignoreable
Correct your spelling
ignorable
.
For example
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,
although
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 the volunteers do not receive any wages and do not support financially , they achieve their chief aims of experience and being helpful. On the plus side, there is no concern about their future because
the
Change the word
their
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 careers are temporary ,so they can leave whenever they want. On the other side, there are some disadvantages for governments . Admittedly, they are not capable of counting on young employees for a long period of time, and youngsters might pass the
projects
Use synonyms
 before it completely finishes. To conclude, in many richer societies, there are numerous adolescents
are
Correct pronoun usage
who are
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 keen on being in either new or multifarious situations. Some of them prefer to take a risk and work freely in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
countries suffering from poverty. I strongly believe the young people's advantages outweigh the
administers
Replace the word
administrators
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' benefits . Admittedly, something because of
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of responsibility , young ones abandon
projects
Use synonyms
 before ending.
Submitted by minoo.abdousi7 on

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