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Band 5

Education in financial management should be mandatory component of the school program. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement,give reasons and relevant example.

#education #management #component #school #program
It is true that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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stock marketing is gaining ground.some folks opine that education in investment management should be
obligatory
Add an article
an obligatory
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 element in the school,
this
assist
Change the verb form
assists
show examples
 the child to be organised with their funds. I do not strongly accord with
perspective
Correct pronoun usage
my perspective
show examples
,
fourth
Add an article
the fourth
show examples
 coming essay shall express some of my ideas with relevant
example
Fix the agreement mistake
examples
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. On the one
hand
Add a comma
,hand
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 if wealth management is taught in high school,the pupils will graduate armed with financial know how they will learn how to organise
theironey
Correct your spelling
their money
the irony
 and spend
it's
Unnecessary verb
it
show examples
misely
Correct your spelling
misery
. Coupled with,how to invest their fund in the scheme so they can get
the
Correct article usage
apply
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good outcomes from
infact
Correct your spelling
in fact
infant
 when young
Correct your spelling
ones are
ones
onesare
Correct your spelling
ones are
 allowed to handle
money
 on their own at learning institutes ,it
inculcate
Change the verb form
inculcates
show examples
 a sense of responsibility in them.what's more ,the low standard of living that people have when they
dismanage
Correct your spelling
mismanage
 their finances and get loses in their business.
For instance
,a survey
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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conducted by the tribune found that people
those
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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who do not know how to invest their finances are suffered from loss and
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 leads to poor living standards.
On the other hand
,each coin
have
Change the verb form
has
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 two sides so
that
Correct word choice
apply
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there are
few
Correct article usage
a few
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 drawbacks
of
Change preposition
to
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this
 trend.
The
Correct article usage
First
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first
 and foremost,
that
Correct word choice
apply
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 if the school will add one more subject
in
Change preposition
to
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 their
Correct your spelling
study as
studies
studyas
Correct your spelling
studies
a
Change preposition
as a
show examples
result,a student may feel the pressure of
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
 and get depressed.
similarly
 young
oned
Correct your spelling
ones
show examples
 do not focus on their other primary subject and lose their
concerntrations
Correct your spelling
concentration
concentrations
 from
studies
Correct pronoun usage
their studies
show examples
.To illustrate the headlines of today 's newspaper reveal that
by
Change preposition
apply
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adding the extra cerriciullam activities
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to Deficiency in concentration and they feel
pressure
Add an article
the pressure
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 of one more subject. In a
nutshell
Add a comma
,nutshell
show examples
although
money
 management and kids
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
future to manage their
money
 and make them responsible. Yet the demerits of
this
 idea can not be
neglect
Wrong verb form
neglected
show examples
 it can make children
money
 minded.
Submitted by partapajay43 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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