Education in financial management should be mandatory component of the school program. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement,give reasons and relevant example.

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It is true that
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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stock marketing is gaining ground.some folks opine that education in investment management should be
obligatory
Add an article
an obligatory

The noun phrase obligatory element seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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element in the school,
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

assist
Change the verb form
assists

The plural verb assist does not appear to agree with the singular subject this. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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the child to be organised with their funds. I do not strongly accord with
perspective
Correct pronoun usage
my perspective

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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,
fourth
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the fourth

The noun phrase fourth coming essay seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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coming essay shall express some of my ideas with relevant
example
Fix the agreement mistake
examples

It seems that example may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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. On the one
hand
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,hand

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase On the one hand. Consider adding a comma.

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if wealth management is taught in high school,the pupils will graduate armed with financial know how they will learn how to organise
theironey
Correct your spelling
their money
the irony

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and spend
it's
Unnecessary verb
it

The verb 's appears to be unnecessary here.

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misely
Correct your spelling
misery

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. Coupled with,how to invest their fund in the scheme so they can get
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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good outcomes from
infact
Correct your spelling
in fact
infant

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when young
Correct your spelling
ones are
ones

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onesare
Correct your spelling
ones are

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allowed to handle
money
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

on their own at learning institutes ,it
inculcate
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inculcates

The verb inculcate does not seem to agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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a sense of responsibility in them.what's more ,the low standard of living that people have when they
dismanage
Correct your spelling
mismanage

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their finances and get loses in their business.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,a survey
was
Unnecessary verb
apply

The verb was appears to be unnecessary here.

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conducted by the tribune found that people
those
Correct pronoun usage
apply

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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who do not know how to invest their finances are suffered from loss and
it
Correct pronoun usage
which

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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leads to poor living standards.
On the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,each coin
have
Change the verb form
has

The plural verb have does not appear to agree with the singular subject each coin. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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two sides so
that
Correct word choice
apply

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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there are
few
Correct article usage
a few

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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drawbacks
of
Change preposition
to

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

trend.
The
Correct article usage
First

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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first
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

and foremost,
that
Correct word choice
apply

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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if the school will add one more subject
in
Change preposition
to

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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their
Correct your spelling
study as
studies
Correct your spelling
study as
studies

If you don’t want studyas to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

studyas
Correct your spelling
studies
a
Change preposition
as a

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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result,a student may feel the pressure of
study
Wrong verb form
studying

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb study. Consider changing it.

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and get depressed.
similarly
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

young
oned
Correct your spelling
ones

The word oned doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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do not focus on their other primary subject and lose their
concerntrations
Correct your spelling
concentration
concentrations

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from
studies
Correct pronoun usage
their studies

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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.To illustrate the headlines of today 's newspaper reveal that
by
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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adding the extra cerriciullam activities
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads

It seems that the verb lead does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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to Deficiency in concentration and they feel
pressure
Add an article
the pressure

The noun phrase pressure seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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of one more subject. In a
nutshell
Add a comma
,nutshell

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase In a nutshell. Consider adding a comma.

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although
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

money
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

management and kids
in
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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future to manage their
money
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and make them responsible. Yet the demerits of
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

idea can not be
neglect
Wrong verb form
neglected

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb neglect. Consider changing it.

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it can make children
money
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

minded.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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