IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Economic growth in recent years made some people in both developed countries and developing countries are richer. However, research shows that while people in developing countries are happier, people in developed countries seem not happier than before. What does this happen?

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The developing economy in recent years has had a great impact on developed and developing
countries
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 which made them more wealthy.
However
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, a lot of money does not mean a lot of
happiness
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, researchers have proven that the population in developed
nations
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 do not seem as happy as those in developing
nations
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.Several reasons will be discussed in the essay below, followed by lessons. There are some factors that are believed to be responsible for
this
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 situation. Chief of these is that the level of economic growth impacts developing
countries
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 and affluent
nations
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 in different ways. As for developing
countries
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, thanks to the economic expansion,
people
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's economic status has changed significantly, many
people
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 have gotten rid of poverty and become middle-income class.
That is
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 why they felt thankful and pleased with the improvements and enjoyed their lives.
Conversely
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,
people
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 in developed
countries
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 have already had a wealthy life, they have everything
such
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 as houses, cars and expensive properties. They are
also
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 provided good facilities
such
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 as schools, hospitals, buildings and transport from the governments so they will not be grateful for the growth of the economy since it did not dramatically change their lives. Two meaningful lessons can be drawn from the above.
Firstly
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, material wealth does not equal
happiness
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. Money only serves to guarantee basic necessities and
happiness
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 is an active by-product of action.
Happiness
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 is different in different individuals, one might be happy with basic things in life, other happy only when they live wealthy. Another lesson is that
people
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 in both rich
nations
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 and developing
countries
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 should spend more time going outside to socialize and find their own
happiness
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instead
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 of staying at home alone. In conclusion, the essay has demonstrated the root causes leading to why
people
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 from developed
countries
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 are not happier like those from developing
countries
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, and a few lessons have been withdrawn.
Therefore
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, it is predicted that the situation can be reversed in the future.

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples or data to strengthen your arguments and make them more convincing.
task achievement
Ensure a clear and direct answer to the question in your introduction, making your stance or summary of reasons clear from the beginning.
coherence and cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve your essay's flow and cohesion.
coherence and cohesion
Consider structuring your essay into clear paragraphs, each addressing a specific point, to enhance readability and organization.
task achievement
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, showing a good understanding of the essay topic.
task achievement
You have a strong conclusion that nicely wraps up the essay, solidifying your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
You effectively used a variety of sentence structures, which made your essay more engaging and dynamic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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