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Band 6

Nowadays many big cities have become overcrowded. Why is it happening, in your opinion? What measures could be taken to prevent it?

#cities #measures
Now a days
Correct the word
Nowadays
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, cities are overcrowded by
people
 due to
high
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the high
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 growing population means more family
member
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members
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,
what
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 makes
people
to
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apply
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get
a
Correct article usage
apply
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small affordable
homes
Correct the article-noun agreement
home
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 with or without small outdoor
space
Fix the agreement mistake
spaces
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.
Therefore
 , less space means less freedom for kids or parents to move around. In my opinion,
this
rapid
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rapidly
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 growing uncertain affect negatively on pollution, and
people
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people's
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 behaviour.
Firstly
, numerous statistics
shows
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show
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 how much cities are fully crowded not only by
people
 but
also
 by humans essentials like cars, vehicles emission and fuel oils and natural gas to heat.
This
 is unfortunately leading to air pollution that
cause
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causes
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Add an article
the particularly
a particularly
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particularly
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particular
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 respiratory system that
make
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makes
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hundreds of
people
 suffer each year.
For example
, due to the presence of harmful substances in the atmosphere many
people
 suffering from asthma and bronchitis they can’t
got
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get
be got
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 healed temporarily without nebulisers.
Secondly
,
people
 in cities
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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feel they are more exposed and always in a rush to arrive to work early, to
Correct your spelling
pick up
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pickup
Correct your spelling
pick up
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 something on time , to get
there
Correct your spelling
their
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Add a hyphen
to-do
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to do
Add a hyphen
to-do
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 list for the day or for the week so
this
 overthinking
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
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 their behaviour and attitude.
For instance
, you see
high
Change the article
a high
the high
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 number of
people
 angry all the time, more anxiety and due to the constant feeling of wasting time in large crowds they are living in a loop of blaming the situation and
Correct your spelling
themselves
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them selves
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themselves
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 that if
I
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 cross that way
I
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
could make it easier on myself. In conclusion, cause our health matters we must take it into consideration and try as
an individuals
Correct the article-noun agreement
individuals
an individual
show examples
 to encourage public transportation
thus
 less gas release and less stress and anxiety disorders will
caused
Change the verb form
cause
be caused
show examples
.
Submitted by kholoudhershi.11 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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