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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people say that schools should concentrate on teaching students academic subjects that will be useful for their future careers. Other say that subjects such as music and sports are also necessary. Discuss both view and give your own opinion.

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In today’s fast-paced society, various job vacancies require professional abilities, which makes parents more conscious of the importance of studying at school.
While
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 some people believe that students have to pay attention to academic disciplines, others have an adverse opinion. From my perspective, it is essential for learners to strike a balance between all
subjects
Use synonyms
.
To begin
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 with, it is understandable that if the curriculum emphasizes only scholastic fields, students may have more time to be provided foundational knowledge.
For example
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, in a current educational program, English, which is considered one of the key
subjects
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, accounts for merely four lessons per week.
As a result
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, most graduates find it challenging to communicate with native speakers and
therefore
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 have many difficulties in seeking high-income jobs. What is more, with the emphasis on disciplines
such
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 as Math and Science, students’ problem-solving abilities will be enhanced.
Thus
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, it can be seen that the focus on primary
subjects
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 may bring many benefits.
On the other hand
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, it is
also
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 believed that other
subjects
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 including music and P.E.
also
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 play a vital part in
overall
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 well-being development. It benefits the schoolers in terms of not only relaxation but
also
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 life skills.
For instance
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, team sports in physical education class contribute to participants’ lessons about teamwork and time management techniques, which are necessary for them when they grow up. Another highlight is that many talents may be discovered in specialized
subjects
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such
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 as music and art. In fact, not every learner has immense strength in the study field. If individuals are talented in music or art, there will be a lot of opportunities for them to have a bright future. In conclusion, in my opinion, it is unnecessary to eliminate specialized disciplines because of the advantages they bring to the students namely physical development and soft skills.
Therefore
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, learners should give it a go in different kinds of
subjects
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 to discover themselves
as well as
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 take advantage of their upsides.

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Coherence & Cohesion
Continue to ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea, supported by examples or further explanation, to maintain high coherence in your writing.
Task Achievement
For even better scores, ensure all paragraphs are well-developed and each idea is explored fully with detailed examples or explanations.
Language Use
Consider varying your sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance the complexity and fluency of your writing.
Structure
You've done well in structuring your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing both sides, and a conclusion that includes your personal opinion. This strong structure enhances readability and coherence.
Task Response
Your essay successfully addresses all aspects of the task, providing a balanced discussion on the importance of both academic and specialized subjects for students. Your conclusion clearly states your own perspective, fulfilling the task requirements.
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