IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In some countries the government promotes public transport as the primary means of transportation, and discourages private vehicle ownership. Do you think the advantages of this policy outweigh the disadvantages?

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The introduction of public
transport
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 as the main mode of transportation in some parts of the world has been promoted by the government, leading to the discouragement of using private vehicles. In
this
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 essay, I will show the merits of using public
transport
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 surpass the demerits regarding the environmental and traffic issues. On the one hand, it is undeniable that encouraging society to commute by using public transportation will lead to myriad benefits.
Firstly
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, it may result in an increase in air quality. The particular reason for
this
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 circumstance is that people will burn less fuel which exacerbates air pollution.
Thus
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, using buses, trains, trams, or commuter lines might lessen the pollution. Despite
this
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 appeal,
this
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 action might
also
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 combat human-induced global warming owing to the reduction of cars or motorcycles fueled by fuel, coal, or
such
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, which is the underlying factor of climate change itself.
Hence
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, it is the right decision to amend the regulation of commuting by using public
transport
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.
On the other hand
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, private vehicle ownership, by all accounts, can ease private trips or urgent business, if suddenly needed. In
this
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 circumstance, people do not need to follow the unnecessary route to reach their destination.
For instance
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, if travelling by train, passengers should pass all the scheduled routes, making them waste their time.
However
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, the use of public transportation might be the best solution for overcoming the pressing problems regarding congestion and traffic-related problems.
This
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 actively demonstrates that travelling by public commuters prevents the excessive number of privately owned vehicles on the roads, creating a better flow of traffic. In conclusion,
although
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 travelling with private vehicles may shorten the time of driving, using public
transport
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 may benefit people in many ways,
such
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 as by increasing air quality, preventing global warming, reducing congestion and solving traffic jams.

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coherence cohesion
To improve the score for logical structure, ensure that the essay has a more consistent flow of ideas with better use of cohesive devices linking sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Inclusion of introductory and concluding paragraphs is well done. However, make sure that these paragraphs clearly state the thesis statement and summarize the main points without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
While the main points are supported, try to develop your arguments further with more detailed examples and explanations to strengthen the essay.
task achievement
Ensure that the response comprehensively addresses all parts of the task prompt. While the essay provides a good discussion, examine all aspects of the question to present a complete argument.
task achievement
Ideas are laid out, but they can be explained in a more detailed and clear manner. Be specific in your argumentation, and enhance clarity by avoiding overly generalized statements.
task achievement
More relevant and specific examples are needed to help illustrate your points and provide a concrete basis for your arguments. Examples related to the benefits as well as drawbacks of public transport could be expanded upon.
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