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Band 4.5

When asked to choose between a life without work and working most of the time, people would always choose not to work. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your opinion.

#life #work #time #people
A surprising fact about individuals is that they always prefer not to do work when they are asked to take the
life
 choice of working or not working. If someone
asks
Wrong verb form
asked
show examples
 me
this
 specific question, I would have
also
 picked a
life
 where I do not have to commute. That being said, I fully agree with the statement. My preference is justified with valid reasons and relevant examples. People claim that they miss out a lot
while
 they spend 1/3 of their
life
 working. As published by the
university
Capitalize word
University
show examples
 of
Irland
Correct your spelling
Ireland
show examples
 in one of their reason papers, the majority of young people seem disappointed about the fact that they have to waste their valuable time working, which results in the missing time that they would have spent enjoying their
life
 with their loved ones
otherwise
.
Thus
, it is evident that the masses dislike the idea of working. The modern community is well-educated to reveal that,
this
 money hunting
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 never end but their lives at one point will definitely end.
Furthermore
, retirement is just a word but almost all the
elder
Replace the word
elderly
show examples
 population
also
 have to become employed in most of the third world countries just as youngsters in those countries to keep up the living.
Hence
, it is apparent that humans prefer freedom and comfort. In conclusion, many agree that
life
 should be free of chores allowing humans to explore more
while
 cherishing
life
. I discussed reasons for
this
 specific selection just as I
also
encourage
Wrong verb form
encouraged
show examples
 myself to seek happiness over a list of duties.
Submitted by alanarufanifernando on

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Task Response
Task Response: The essay provides a clear opinion and supports it with relevant reasons and examples. However, the response could be more comprehensive and nuanced in addressing different perspectives.
Coherence and Cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, the logical structure and development of ideas can be improved for a more coherent argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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