IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Details of politicians’ private lives should not be published in newspapers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#politicians’ #lives #newspapers
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It is argued that
newspapers
Use synonyms
 ought not to publish the
details
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 of
private
Correct article usage
the private
show examples
 lives of
politicians
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.
This
Linking Words
 essay strongly disagrees with
this
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 view because
politicians
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 build a public image through
such
Linking Words
 news and they could be held accountable for any wrongdoings. On the one hand,
politicians
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 can
gain
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 public trust by building a positive image through
newspapers
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. Being the focus of
media
Correct article usage
the media
show examples
, sometimes
details
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 of their personal interests end up on the front pages of
newspapers
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, which allows them to
gain
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 popularity among
masses
Correct article usage
the masses
show examples
, especially when their interests match with the general public. Recently, the pictures of a famous politician of Milan,
while
Linking Words
 playing football with local school children were published in many
newspapers
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, and he instantly became famous among school and college students.
Hence
Linking Words
, it helps them
gain
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 popularity by depicting themselves in a positive way.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, publishing
details
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 of private affairs
disclose
Correct subject-verb agreement
discloses
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 the corruption of
politicians
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 and
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 them accountable. Many
politicians
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 usually hold a public office and are entrusted with managing public funds. If they do not spend the money on the
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
 of people and are involved in corruption,
newspapers
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 expose their private
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 and put them under accountability.
For example
Linking Words
, when
details
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 of the lavish spending of the Mayor of London,
while
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 on
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
vacation, were revealed in the SUN, it prompted questions from many sections of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society, eventually exposing his corruption with
the
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apply
show examples
public money.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is important that
newspapers
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 publish these
details
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. In conclusion, private matters of
politicians
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 should be published in
newspaper
Fix the agreement mistake
newspapers
show examples
 because it allows them to
gain
Use synonyms
 popularity and expose their corrupt affairs.
Submitted by ilhanctg2019 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea that is explained and supported with relevant examples. There were moments in the essay where the central idea could have been articulated more clearly.
coherence cohesion
Work on constructing a more logical structure within paragraphs and across the essay as a whole. Transition words and phrases should be used effectively to guide the reader through the arguments presented.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present but could be strengthened. Make sure your thesis statement and concluding remarks are clearly stated and directly address the essay prompt.
task achievement
Ensure that the response is complete by fully addressing the prompt. It seemed that the discussion was slightly one-sided and could benefit from exploring different perspectives.
task achievement
Develop ideas comprehensively by expanding on points with further explanation or analysis. This will show a greater depth of thought and understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Your use of specific examples is good and helps to support your points. However, make sure these examples are directly relevant and contribute to a clearer understanding of your main points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • intrusion
  • accountability
  • transparency
  • sensationalism
  • privacy
  • public interest
  • collateral damage
  • precedent
  • responsible journalism
  • exploitation
  • democratic processes
  • media culture
  • balance
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