Some people think children should have mobile phones, others disagree. Discuss both sides and give opinion.

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A cell phone has become one of the most prevalent items in
this
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
contemporary life.
This
;
however
, has raised a long debate among people of concern about whether children should have one themselves. In my opinion, they are still too young to own a mobile. On the one hand, there is no doubt that parents could, to some extent, keep their kids safer thanks to locating their position when they go out or helping them when they are at risk. It is no exaggeration to say that a phone is likely considered a lifesaver in many cases to make emergency calls when some vanish guys are following in the evening,
for instance
.
Moreover
, mobile phones, in a way, cement the relationship between parents and children through daily conversations via calls. A mobile becomes extremely helpful to keep in touch with a parent when they are boarding students.
On the other hand
, it seems to me that having a mobile at an early age brings a myriad of detrimental effects.
Firstly
, youngsters are, without decent parental monitoring, likely prone to become heavy users, which leads to health problems. There is a casual link between excessive usage of a telephone and skin cancer even the evidence to date is yet to come.
Secondly
, they possibly spend hours browsing the Internet on their own phones at
expense
Correct article usage
the expense
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of studying, which could, more or less, result in bad academic performance and a sedentary lifestyle.
Last
but not least, children are definitely able to access a vast source of knowledge and information through electronic gadgets, yet not all are reliable and suitable for them. They are bombarded with video games, violence,
not to mention
criminals, and bad things for the young. In conclusion, I would contend that owing a phone is an unavoidable thing happening in
this
cutting-edge technology, yet parents are advised not to give it to their kids when they are not immature
to
Rephrase
enough to
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use it effectively and properly
Submitted by dothiha93 on

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task response
Provide a more balanced discussion of both sides of the argument
coherence and cohesion
The essay demonstrates a clear overall structure with an appropriate introduction and conclusion. Ensure that the main points are supported with clearer examples and evidence
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