Completing university education is thought by some to be the best way to get a good job. On the other hand, other people think that getting experience and developing soft skills is more important. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

It is considered by some that being a university graduate is the key to securing a good
job
,
while
there are others who think that it is better to have
experience
and soft
skills
. In my opinion, I believe that having
university
Correct article usage
a university
show examples
education
is essential for academic jobs
while
soft
skills
and
experience
are more useful in business. On the one hand, many think it is easier for most people to find a good
job
if they are university graduates with a good degree.
In other words
, having tertiary
education
puts people one step ahead of others who do not and
this
can be the deciding factor in getting a good
job
. The competition to get
in to
Join the words
into
show examples
universities and the increasing number of graduates show just how significant
this
level of
education
is for people’s future
work
opportunities.
On the other hand
, having
work
experience
and soft
skills
,
such
as leadership
skills
and other interpersonal
skills
, can
also
throw the balance in favour of the applicant,
according to
some. For many positions there are an overwhelming number of applicants and,
therefore
, it is often thought that having relevant
experience
in that line of
work
or having acquired useful soft
skills
that can be valuable to a company, can put one ahead of the game when applying for a
position
.
Finally
, in my opinion, whether
needing
Wrong verb form
you need
show examples
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
level
education
Change preposition
of education
show examples
or
skills
and
experience
, depends on the
position
being applied for. Take
for example
law, medicine or teaching, it is impossible to be considered for a
position
without the required educational background.
In contrast
, in business, it would be more important for a candidate to have soft
skills
and
experience
in that line of business so they can step into a
position
without
further
training and be of immediate benefit to the company. In conclusion, getting a good
job
requires a relevant background either in
experience
or
education
depending on the type of
work
and field. People should make sure they attain the necessary
skills
or degrees before applying for a
job
in order to be sure of success.
Submitted by me_ranger13 on

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Task Achievement
The essay provides a thorough discussion of both sides of the argument, displaying a clear understanding of the task at hand. However, providing one or two more real-world examples could further enhance your argument and provide more concrete evidence to support your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
The structure and organization of the essay are very strong, with a clear progression of ideas throughout the piece. You have introduced the topic, provided a balanced discussion, and then concluded by summarising the main points and presenting your own view. However, make sure you explicitly link your paragraphs - using clearer signposting language could help to guide the examiner through your argument and increase readability.
Lexical Resource
You display a wide vocabulary and an aptitude for using a variety of sentence structures. However, make sure you maintain this level of sophistication in your language use throughout the entire essay.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
An impressive range of grammatical structures is used, and the vast majority are error-free. However, take care not to overuse certain phrases, as this could make your writing seem less varied and interesting.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • theoretical knowledge
  • specialized training
  • networking
  • baseline requirement
  • financial burden
  • hands-on experience
  • practical skills
  • soft skills
  • dynamic job market
  • entrepreneur
  • formal education
  • portfolio
  • hybrid approach
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