IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think competitions inside and outside of school is necessary for children to prepare for their future. Others think its bad. Discuss both views and state your opinion.

#people #competitions #school #children #future
To some
parents
Add a comma
,parents
show examples
rivalry
Replace the word
rival
show examples
attitude
Fix the agreement mistake
attitudes
show examples
 should
imposed
Change the verb form
impose
be imposed
show examples
 among youngsters to make them prepare for the time ahead from the very beginning of schooling and out of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school, while
others
 have
opposite
Add an article
an opposite
the opposite
show examples
 notion. Both sides of the argument present rational ideas, which will be elaborated
.
Change preposition
on.
show examples
However
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 competition will be harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 a better society and states. Some argued that children should be competitive to secure
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 upcoming days. The race will lead them toward a golden way of
win
Wrong verb form
winning
show examples
. Though the notion of opposing other may
effective
Add a missing verb
be effective
show examples
 for a successful life, it
having
Change the form of the verb
has
show examples
 drawbacks. Throughout
competitions
Add a comma
,competitions
show examples
 offspring may forget the
velue
Correct your spelling
value
values
 of social life and may become
selfish
Add an article
a selfish
the selfish
show examples
 person. They may not respect
others
 and would always put
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
 demands forward
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 needs.
For example
, if we see the
graps
Correct your spelling
grapes
graphs
grasp
 of today's generation, we will see their lack of interest in social interactions and their lack of apathy for
other
Correct pronoun usage
others
show examples
. As they always are in a race of study and other activities settled by their parents, they don't find time for thinking
for
Change preposition
about
show examples
others
.
On the other hand
, some people think that
Correct your spelling
rivalry
rivarly
Correct your spelling
rivalry
 view may
harmful
Add a missing verb
be harmful
show examples
 and believe that
cooperative
Correct article usage
a cooperative
show examples
 attitude may lead our youth to a bright fortune.
For instance
, if we see the outcome of any teamwork or joint venture, we will notice the success. In conclusion, considering the points discussed
Correct your spelling
above
avobe
Correct your spelling
above
, the most rational end is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 we should not put our adolescents into a race for
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
 who would turn as unaffected by
others
Change noun form
others'
other's
show examples
 emotions.
However
, we may provide a friendly environment to make them a team, who will work for the future together. In my
view
Add a comma
,view
show examples
 competing thinking should be removed for a better
next
.
Submitted by alina.aphrodite on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: