IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In order to change their appearance people often turn to plastic surgery. What are the advantages and disadvantages of such an approach ?

#change #appearance #people #plastic #surgery #approach
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the contemporary world, a majority of people cannot seem to be at peace with their bodies,
therefore
Linking Words
, they find a solution by heading towards
plastic
Use synonyms
surgeries
Use synonyms
 to surgically alter their outward form. It is my contention that
plastic
Use synonyms
surgeries
Use synonyms
 are akin to a double-edged sword; they benefit individuals with an ability to dissipate undesirable atypical
body
Use synonyms
 parts, but can
also
Linking Words
 ruin people's lives. As a primary advantage,
plastic
Use synonyms
surgeries
Use synonyms
 are considered a life-saving operation in certain cases where individuals are
Use synonyms
body shamed
Add a hyphen
body-shamed
show examples
 by others because of their foreign appearance.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the members of the younger generation are preoccupied with others' opinions on them and
this
Linking Words
 is why the number of
plastic
Use synonyms
surgeries
Use synonyms
 is at an all-time high.
For example
Linking Words
, juveniles in Iran and Brazil are more inclined to undergo
plastic
Use synonyms
surgery
Use synonyms
 for their aesthetic look by getting their nose or other facial
surgeries
Use synonyms
 done to avoid
body
Use synonyms
 shaming.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, sometimes
plastic
Use synonyms
surgeries
Use synonyms
 are considered a vital operation in
fighter
Correct article usage
the fighter
show examples
 community. Because they receive catastrophic damages during the matches, there is a high risk of their facial structure being deformed. To illustrate
this
Linking Words
 point, almost one-third of each ultimate fighter has to receive surgical treatment to bring their previous look.
Consequently
Linking Words
, many individuals praise their
surgeon
Fix the agreement mistake
surgeons
show examples
 for their art creations on their
body
Use synonyms
 parts.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
plastic
Use synonyms
surgery
Use synonyms
 may not merely be a pragmatic solution as there are a myriad of risks incorporated into these activities. The significant perils associated with these
surgeries
Use synonyms
 should be acknowledged by patients prior to their
surgeries
Use synonyms
.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, a big portion of them end up in hospital beds to go under the knife for their foreign look. To exemplify my statement, if complications
such
Linking Words
 as infection, scarring, and unsatisfactory results
occurred
Wrong verb form
occur
show examples
, they may not be reverted back to their original condition without prompting a second
surgery
Use synonyms
 with
similar
Correct article usage
a similar
show examples
 risk background. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
plastic
Use synonyms
surgery
Use synonyms
 can offer significant benefits to those looking to change their appearance, it does not mean that these
surgeries
Use synonyms
 are devoid of disadvantages.
Submitted by orkhanshamil on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure clarity and conciseness in your writing to avoid overly complex sentences that may obscure your main points. Consider simplifying your sentence structure while maintaining the depth of your arguments.
Task Achievement
Work on providing a more balanced view on your topic by exploring both the advantages and disadvantages in equal measure. Make sure to dedicate equal parts of your essay to each aspect to ensure a well-rounded discussion.
Coherence & Cohesion
Enhance your essay by including a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs. This will help your reader follow your argument more easily.
Task Achievement
Consider developing your examples further to provide more depth and insights into the impacts of plastic surgery. Detailed examples can significantly strengthen your argument and provide a clearer picture of the effects you're discussing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: