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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many countries schools have severe problems with student behaviour. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

#countries #schools #student #behaviour
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It is known, nowadays, that
schools
Use synonyms
 around the world face some challenges with their student's behaviour. In the forthcoming paragraphs, I will elaborate on the main reasons for the issue
as well as
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 propose some solutions that could potentially build a bridge between
schools
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 and
students
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.
Firstly
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, a lot of
students
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 worldwide do not have enough attention from their teachers and classmates. In fact,
pupils
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 tend to dislike their
school
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 because of a lack of frank talks with teachers about the problems they meet or with classmates about studies, hobbies and plays.
Therefore
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, these
pupils
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 begin more self-concern which leads to
behaviour
Replace the word
behavioural
show examples
 problems. From my perspective, a
school
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 psychologist could be a good solution in
this
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 case as
pupils
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 would speak up about their challenges in
school
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.
For example
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, during high
school
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, we had a
school
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 psychologist who helped us to solve the issues
instead
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 of keeping them inside.
Secondly
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, some
schools
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 have a lot of restrictions which limit their
students
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. Since unneeded rules exist in
such
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 places,
students
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 do not feel full freedom, and
as a result
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, causes misunderstanding between
schools
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 and their members. I think that people at
such
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 ages tend to show their personal views and speak up about everything by changing their hair colour or dressing as they want.
That is
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, it is impossible to feel completely free with
school
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 rules.
For instance
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, I had severe issues with our class tutor
due to
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 my dress style. I suppose that schoolers should not be restricted in terms of their appearance,
hence
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, the gap between them and their
school
Use synonyms
 could be erased. In conclusion, I would say that there are two big reasons for the issue: a lack of proper teachers' attention to their
pupils
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 and unnecessary rules in
school
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.
However
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, full-time
school
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 psychologists
as well as
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 less strong restrictions could solve the problem.
Submitted by bale.dunkel on

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task response
The essay addresses the topic and provides relevant examples. However, make sure to clearly present the introduction and conclusion. Also, work on the logical structure of the essay to improve coherence and cohesion.
coherence and cohesion
The main points are supported with relevant examples, and the essay is generally well-organized. However, the introduction and conclusion need to be more elaborated and the logical structure should be strengthened to improve coherence and cohesion.
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