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Band 6.5

In many countries schools have severe problems with student behaviour. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

#countries #schools #student #behaviour
It is known, nowadays, that
schools
 around the world face some challenges with their student's behaviour. In the forthcoming paragraphs, I will elaborate on the main reasons for the issue
as well as
 propose some solutions that could potentially build a bridge between
schools
 and
students
.
Firstly
, a lot of
students
 worldwide do not have enough attention from their teachers and classmates. In fact,
pupils
 tend to dislike their
school
 because of a lack of frank talks with teachers about the problems they meet or with classmates about studies, hobbies and plays.
Therefore
, these
pupils
 begin more self-concern which leads to
behaviour
Replace the word
behavioural
show examples
 problems. From my perspective, a
school
 psychologist could be a good solution in
this
 case as
pupils
 would speak up about their challenges in
school
.
For example
, during high
school
, we had a
school
 psychologist who helped us to solve the issues
instead
 of keeping them inside.
Secondly
, some
schools
 have a lot of restrictions which limit their
students
. Since unneeded rules exist in
such
 places,
students
 do not feel full freedom, and
as a result
, causes misunderstanding between
schools
 and their members. I think that people at
such
 ages tend to show their personal views and speak up about everything by changing their hair colour or dressing as they want.
That is
, it is impossible to feel completely free with
school
 rules.
For instance
, I had severe issues with our class tutor
due to
 my dress style. I suppose that schoolers should not be restricted in terms of their appearance,
hence
, the gap between them and their
school
 could be erased. In conclusion, I would say that there are two big reasons for the issue: a lack of proper teachers' attention to their
pupils
 and unnecessary rules in
school
.
However
, full-time
school
 psychologists
as well as
 less strong restrictions could solve the problem.
Submitted by bale.dunkel on

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task response
The essay addresses the topic and provides relevant examples. However, make sure to clearly present the introduction and conclusion. Also, work on the logical structure of the essay to improve coherence and cohesion.
coherence and cohesion
The main points are supported with relevant examples, and the essay is generally well-organized. However, the introduction and conclusion need to be more elaborated and the logical structure should be strengthened to improve coherence and cohesion.

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