IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic. Group or team activities can teach more important skills for life than those activities which are done alone. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.

#minutes #topic #group #team #activities #skills #life
Some
people
 believe that working in a
team
 or
group
 can help an individual to learn more important skills rather than doing tasks alone. I completely agree with
this
 statement and In
this
 essay , I will explain how teamwork is good for a human being with some examples from the newspaper and personal experience.
To begin
 with , There is no doubt working in a
team
 always increases the productivity and efficiency of the work. Each
person
 has their own qualities and traits so we should learn from them.
For Example
 , An individual
person
 cannot develop a software application alone and
this
 is the reason I.T. companies hire many employees in one
team
 to increase the productivity of work . To illustrate, few
people
 are good at coding
while
 others are in website development or testing.
Group
 activities are very important for balancing work and life.
On the other hand
 , In
group
 activities,
people
 get a chance to interact with each other , and they never feel boredom
while
 performing any task .
for instance
, In recent survey done by the Delhi Times revealed that 80% of
people
 are extremely happy to be a part of any
group
 . Sometimes alone
person
 feels isolated and depressed because all the pressure is on his shoulders only
as a result
 either they do not perform well or sometimes it leads to mental stress
such
 as anxiety , and depression .
To conclude
 , As I mentioned earlier
group
 activities are not only good for enhancing an individual knowledge but
also
 it is beneficial for improving other skills
such
 as communication ,sharing, patience etc. I believe working in a
team
 is the best way to improve the
overall
 personality of an individual
person
.
Submitted by preetiaug25 on

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task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your viewpoint, but tightening the thesis statement to be more concise would enhance clarity.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs to help guide the reader. Connecting sentences at the end of one paragraph and the beginning of the next can improve flow.
task achievement
Expand on your examples to ensure they fully support your points. More specific details or personal anecdotes could strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Vary your sentence structure to avoid repetitiveness and enhance readability. More complex sentences can enhance the cohesiveness of your writing.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which nicely bookend your essay.
task achievement
You tackle the prompt directly and give relevant reasons and examples supporting your viewpoint.
task achievement
The discussion on the benefits of teamwork for productivity and mental health adds depth to your argument.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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