IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

IT IS OFTEN SAID THAT GOVERMENTS SPEND TOO MUCH MONEY ON PROJECTS TO PROTECT WILDLIFE, WHILE THERE ARE OTHER PROBLEMS THAT ARE MORE IMPORTANT? DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE?

#goverments #money #projects #wildlife
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The protection of
animals
Use synonyms
 in forests is one of the most important things that governments invest their funds
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
,
although
Linking Words
 there are other more serious projects that need their attention. I totally agree with that fact and in
this
Linking Words
 ,
essay
Add an article
an essay
the essay
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 I will support my agreement with evidence .
Wildlife
Use synonyms
 body is one of the basic old life on
this
Linking Words
 planet and over all that decades it has been growing by
itself
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
, with
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 unique rules and its system . I believe that if the
government
Use synonyms
 intervenes
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
wildlife
Use synonyms
 world ,
then
Linking Words
 a negative impact will affect it .
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the circle of forestes life was made by specific rules , there is a lion which eats a cow , there is a cow which eats
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
grass and there is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
grass which grows from deep soil structures made by dead lion's organic contents .
For example
Linking Words
, in
Australia
Add a comma
,Australia
show examples
 there were a huge population of brown rabbits that were large and fast , but two decades ago the
government
Use synonyms
 killed a lot of rabbits in order to decrease their numbers , which has led to the
extincation
Correct your spelling
extinction
 of that brown large unique rabbit .
Consequently
Linking Words
 , that resulted in hungry for
wildlife
Use synonyms
animals
Use synonyms
 that depended on those rabbits as their food , which is possibly the cause of the diffuse of killer
animals
Use synonyms
 over all Australia . Nowadays there are more serious and important projects that need the
Use synonyms
government
Change noun form
government's
show examples
 attention and require its money . Pollution is one of the biggest recent life issues , it is a problem that acquires several elements and
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
large financial assistance in order to eliminate it or at least to reduce it .
for instance
Linking Words
 , in the USA its
government
Use synonyms
 spends a lot of money to produce more public transport vehicles and it put a number of taxes on private cars to lead them not to
themuse
Correct your spelling
the muse
theme
 . In conclusion , I agree
Change preposition
with
show examples
the fact of no need for governments to invest their money in
wildlife
Use synonyms
 protection .
However
Linking Words
 ; it would be more useful if those funds are used to assist other vital issues in order to protect
humanity
Replace the word
humans
show examples
 rather than independent
animals
Use synonyms
 . In
this
Linking Words
 ,
essay
Add an article
an essay
the essay
show examples
 I supported my agreement .
Submitted by munaagha89 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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