IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

IT IS OFTEN SAID THAT GOVERMENTS SPEND TOO MUCH MONEY ON PROJECTS TO PROTECT WILDLIFE, WHILE THERE ARE OTHER PROBLEMS THAT ARE MORE IMPORTANT? DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE?

#goverments #money #projects #wildlife
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The protection of
animals
 in forests is one of the most important things that governments invest their funds
on
Change preposition
in
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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,
although
 there are other more serious projects that need their attention. I totally agree with that fact and in
this
 ,
essay
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an essay
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 I will support my agreement with evidence .
Wildlife
 body is one of the basic old life on
this
 planet and over all that decades it has been growing by
itself
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
, with
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 unique rules and its system . I believe that if the
government
 intervenes
with
Change preposition
in
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 the
wildlife
 world ,
then
 a negative impact will affect it .
Furthermore
, the circle of forestes life was made by specific rules , there is a lion which eats a cow , there is a cow which eats
a
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grass and there is
a
Correct article usage
apply
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grass which grows from deep soil structures made by dead lion's organic contents .
For example
, in
Australia
Add a comma
,Australia
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 there were a huge population of brown rabbits that were large and fast , but two decades ago the
government
 killed a lot of rabbits in order to decrease their numbers , which has led to the
extincation
Correct your spelling
extinction
 of that brown large unique rabbit .
Consequently
 , that resulted in hungry for
wildlife
animals
 that depended on those rabbits as their food , which is possibly the cause of the diffuse of killer
animals
 over all Australia . Nowadays there are more serious and important projects that need the
government
Change noun form
government's
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 attention and require its money . Pollution is one of the biggest recent life issues , it is a problem that acquires several elements and
a
Remove the article
apply
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large financial assistance in order to eliminate it or at least to reduce it .
for instance
 , in the USA its
government
 spends a lot of money to produce more public transport vehicles and it put a number of taxes on private cars to lead them not to
themuse
Correct your spelling
the muse
theme
 . In conclusion , I agree
Change preposition
with
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the fact of no need for governments to invest their money in
wildlife
 protection .
However
 ; it would be more useful if those funds are used to assist other vital issues in order to protect
humanity
Replace the word
humans
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 rather than independent
animals
 . In
this
 ,
essay
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 I supported my agreement .
Submitted by munaagha89 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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