IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

As countries have developed there has been a trend towards smaller family sizes. why does this happen? how does this affect society

#countries #trend #sizes #happen #affect #society
The families
Correct article usage
Families
show examples
 who have been living in developed
countries
are tend
Change the verb form
tend
show examples
 to birth less
number
 of
children
. In my opinion, it is because, the
Correct your spelling
countries
country
countires
Correct your spelling
countries
 developed by
Correct your spelling
citizens
citizents
Change noun form
citizent's
citizents'
show examples
 socio-cultural
Correct your spelling
levels
level
levesl
Correct your spelling
levels
, and people who had high socio-cultural
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 are considering
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the quality of
theirs
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 and
Correct pronoun usage
their children'
show examples
Change noun form
children's
show examples
children'
Correct your spelling
children's
show examples
 lives, but it could have been damaging to the public. The developed
countries
recognized
Add a missing verb
are recognized
show examples
 by
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 quality of
life
 for their citizens. They ensure their societies'
Correct your spelling
welfare
wellfare
Correct your spelling
welfare
 which
include
Change the verb form
includes
show examples
 safety, economy and utilities and it can't be done without
Correct your spelling
increasing the
increasingthe
Correct your spelling
increasing the
number
 of educated
publics
Fix the agreement mistake
public
show examples
.
The families
Correct article usage
Families
show examples
 who have
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
level
 of education are caring about their
Correct your spelling
children's
childiren's
Correct your spelling
children's
life
 for
present
Correct article usage
the present
show examples
 and future
also
. They want to provide
thier
Correct your spelling
their
childiren
Correct your spelling
children
 with the best
Correct your spelling
opportunities
oppurtinities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 and as
an
Remove the article
evidence
a piece of evidence
a shred of evidence
show examples
evidence
Add a comma
,evidence
show examples
 they decide
childiren
Correct your spelling
children
number
 beforehand
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which they can afford . A significant aspect of
argument
Add an article
the argument
show examples
 is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 they
also
 know how to protect themselves from unwanted babies by as known named birth-control methods.
On the other hand
, developed
countries
 are the best
arriving
Replace the word
arrival
show examples
 location for immigration. Immigrants who escape from bad conditions in their
hometown
Fix the agreement mistake
hometowns
show examples
 want safety
life
 for
living
Add an article
a living
show examples
, but because of the
circumcitances
Correct your spelling
circumstances
 in their country, their socio-cultural
level
 couldn't be equal
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 citizens of developed
countries
.
As a result
 of getting comfortable and safe
life
,
childiren
Correct your spelling
children
number
 of a family
is explode
Change the verb form
is exploded
show examples
 by refugees who
doesn't
Change the verb form
don't
show examples
 know how to prevent
Correct your spelling
unaffordable
unaffortable
Correct article usage
an unaffortable
show examples
 population.
Therefore
, the
children
whom
Change the pronoun
who
show examples
 controlling by nobody might be a safety problem as stray dogs or they would take down the
level
 of education which
Add a missing verb
is encourged
show examples
Correct your spelling
encouraged
encourged
Correct your spelling
encouraged
 by already developed, developing
countries
. To sum up, some country leaders
such
 as Turkey's
Correct your spelling
president
presedent
Correct your spelling
President
 R. Tayyip Erdogan gives
speech
Add an article
a speech
show examples
 about how to prevent
bad
Correct article usage
the bad
show examples
Replace the word
effect
show examples
affect
Correct your spelling
effect
show examples
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
birth
Correct article usage
the birth
show examples
more
Change preposition
of more
show examples
children
 than refugees but immigration is an increasing problem day by day. As a
Correct your spelling
solution
solition
Correct your spelling
solution
 of mine, we have to stay on not only increasing the education
level
 but
also
diminish
Wrong verb form
diminishing
show examples
 the population
explotion
Correct your spelling
explosion
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 taking
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
immigration under control and
ensure
Wrong verb form
ensuring
show examples
 the refugees'
children
to be
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 a part of society.
Submitted by ecemanginn on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: