For many people, the reason they work hard is to earn money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Due to
advances in Linking Words
technology
more and more Add a comma
technology,
people
working harder to earn a lot of Use synonyms
moneyas
well as learn Correct your spelling
money as
skills
Use synonyms
along with
experiences. Some Linking Words
people
think that Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
work
hard the reason is to earn Use synonyms
money
. I agree with Use synonyms
this
statement and think that some public Linking Words
work
hard to learn Use synonyms
skills
and help others. I will discuss my reasons for it in the upcoming paragraphs.
Use synonyms
To begin
with, there are many reasons why the public Linking Words
work
hard to earn Use synonyms
money
. First and foremost, Use synonyms
money
is the basic need for every individual to fulfil their daily activities. Use synonyms
For example
, Linking Words
due to
Linking Words
advanced
in technology and the digitalisation of the world, everything skyrocketing and for that reason, individuals working harder to earn a lot of Fix the agreement mistake
advances
money
for their daily expenses. Use synonyms
Secondly
, without Linking Words
money
Use synonyms
people
cannot survive in the developed world, Use synonyms
this
is because individuals need Linking Words
money
to buy their household chores and other things.
Use synonyms
On the other hand
, some Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
work
hard to learn some Use synonyms
skills
and help their country. Use synonyms
For example
, Bhagat Singh, worked hard for us to be free from British Rule and died as a brave martyr. Linking Words
Hence
, some public wants to save their Linking Words
country
Change noun form
country's
people
by socialising and Use synonyms
campaignings
. Fix the agreement mistake
campaigning
Furthermore
, we listen to many army officers who died in wars, it is illustrated that some Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
also
exist in Linking Words
this
world who Linking Words
work
harder for others.
In conclusion,Use synonyms
money
is a basic need for the public to survive and we cannot be denied the need for Use synonyms
money
. Use synonyms
However
, every individual does not Linking Words
work
hard to earn Use synonyms
money
, some Use synonyms
also
want to help others and learn Linking Words
skills
from their Use synonyms
work
.Use synonyms
Submitted by razab5469 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Your introduction sets a clear premise by stating your agreement with the idea, but it needs polish in phrasing and grammar. Consider restructuring sentences for better flow and clarity.
task achievement
While you have included examples to support your points, ensure they are directly relevant and clearly linked to the main argument of the paragraph.
task achievement
Your conclusion summarizes your points effectively, but it could be more concise. Avoid introducing new ideas in the closing paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Work on making your transitions between points smoother. Using cohesive devices more evenly throughout your essay can improve flow.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph should focus more clearly on a single main idea supported by relevant examples. Try to expand on your points with more detailed reasoning.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a structured introduction and conclusion which makes it easy to follow.
task achievement
You have included historical examples, such as Bhagat Singh, which enrich your argument.
task achievement
Your response addresses the question prompt fully, considering multiple perspectives.