IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

More and more people today are moving away from where their friends and family live.Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

People
Use synonyms
 relocating farther away from their
friends
Use synonyms
' and families' homes
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
contemporary days.
This
Linking Words
 essay
outline
Correct subject-verb agreement
outlines
show examples
main
Correct article usage
the main
show examples
 benefits and drawbacks of
this
Linking Words
 statement. There are a lot of various reasons why
people
Use synonyms
 are moving from their parents or
friends
Use synonyms
. It can be job opportunities or creating own family or just
desire
Correct article usage
the desire
show examples
 to be alone . Anyway,
People
Use synonyms
 who live far from their relatives could experience severe mental health problems.
For instance
Linking Words
,
latest
Add an article
the latest
show examples
 research
of
Change preposition
by
show examples
 American psychologist Ryan showed that lots of
student
Change to a plural noun
students
show examples
 that have recently finished school and started studying
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 university and living far away from their home , almost 70
percentage
Replace the word
percent
show examples
 of students
suffering
Wrong verb form
suffer
show examples
 from depression
different
Change preposition
in different
show examples
 forms . To put
Linking Words
in
Correct pronoun usage
it in
show examples
 other words, all students
that
Correct word choice
who
show examples
begun
Wrong verb form
begin
show examples
live
Fix the infinitive
to live
show examples
 separately get depressed,because of lunch of communication with their
friends
Use synonyms
 and family.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
,hand
show examples
 there are some benefits of living far from relatives. One of the greatest pros is growth in professional life. Living alone could allow
person
Correct article usage
a person
show examples
be
Add the particle
to be
show examples
 more focused on work.
Also
Linking Words
, separate living could help
people
Use synonyms
 recognise what they really admire doing and what they don't
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because often family and
friends
Use synonyms
 could impose their interests and that’s why
people
Use synonyms
 often lose themselves.
Additionally
Linking Words
, Moving far from home could help
people
Use synonyms
 to become more independent. So it is clearly seen that
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 definitely outweigh
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
show examples
. To conclude, moving far away from home could be hard at
first
Linking Words
 and even it can invoke depression. But in
general
Add a comma
,general
show examples
 there are more benefits of living separately than drawbacks.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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