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Band 6.5

Some people think young people should be required to have full-time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #education #years
Many people
said
Wrong verb form
say
show examples
 that younger ones should spend their entire time
on study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
 till adulthood.
However
, I fully agree with the argument that pupils should get full-time
education
 until they reach 18 years of age considering
education
 should be holistic and that will explain as perused
further
.
Firstly
,
education
 is the foundation for any individual to excel in a professional career, it is essential for anyone to learn before applying to real life,
for instance
, subjects like history, geography, mathematics, language and social science teach us the surroundings of the global village which we will be utilizing in the future.
Furthermore
, in the prior days, the learning adaptability of the children is very lofty,
hence
 they can inculcate things quickly and easily.
Secondly
, if they
will be
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 involved in
activities
 other than studies
then
 they will lose concentration which will impact their learning graph,
for example
, if parents involve adolescents in their business or part-time jobs to earn some bread and butter
then
 young ones will not be able to focus on their
education
.
On the contrary
, it is expected from the
education
 bodies that they should develop a holistic
education
 which could cover conventional subjects
as well as
 other curriculum
activities
 like sports, art, music, moral values etc so that pupils can get exposure to every aspect and build their capabilities.
For example
, all modern schools are including extra
activities
 in their courses to develop students holistically. In conclusion, it is beneficial to involve students in their
education
 till they attain 18 years of age,
nevertheless
, studies should not only involve book knowledge rather some other
activities
 should
also
 be part of their
education
.
Submitted by manojmpandya on

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task response
Provide further elaboration on the ideas presented in each body paragraph to enhance the depth of the response.
coherence and cohesion
Use a wider range of linking devices and transition words to improve the connective tissue between sentences and paragraphs.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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