Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy?

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It is thought by some, that the principal way to keep yourself happy is by having plenty of

money

Use synonyms

. Even though, wealth allows people to do many things,

such

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as travelling and enjoying more of themself without having the necessity of working much.

However

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money

Use synonyms

is not everything and a big part of society is feeling happy with simple things, like doing activities or sports. It is commonly known, that rich people work less than the working class, or at least they have more flexibility in terms of time assisting to work. In that way, avoiding the routine of working 5 times per week 8 hours per day, leading to having more time to enjoy their families and themselves.

For example

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while

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some wealthy individuals are playing golf, others are working in offices or construction sites.

Furthermore

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, they have a flexible schedule and broad budget, allowing them the privilege of taking luxury holidays more frequently, enriching them with new experiences.

However

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money

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is not everything in life, there are many humans who enjoy happiness without being dependent on the Dollar. Some individuals can be really happy just by doing what they love,

such

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as going to the national parks for walking and enjoying the different landscapes that every region of the world offers.

Additionally

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, a recent quiz has shown that folks who do sports are happier than those who do not.

To sum up

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, that title percentage of the population that have the privilege of being wealthy can do more travelling, enriching life experiences as a source of happiness.

However

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, on the other side, I agree with the statement that there is a big chunk of the population working 5 to 8 enjoying many different activities that do not need

money

Use synonyms

and provide pure happiness.

jimeilariaMon Sep 02 2024

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coherence cohesion

To improve coherence and cohesion, you should work on ensuring that each paragraph flows logically from the previous one. Try to use transitional phrases and linking words more effectively to make the essay read more smoothly.

task achievement

Your main points are clear but can benefit from stronger support and specific examples. Consider providing more detailed examples to illustrate your points better.

task achievement

Try to avoid redundant phrases and ensure that each sentence adds value to your argument. This will help in making your ideas appear clearer and more concise.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a strong structure to your writing.

task achievement

You have addressed both parts of the task, discussing how money can make people happy and what other things can contribute to happiness.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

295 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Financial security
Basic needs
Comfort
Luxury
Freedom
Altruistic
Philanthropy
Nurturing relationships
Fulfillment
Sense of accomplishment
Physical well-being
Spiritual beliefs
Community involvement
Gratitude
Mindfulness
Simple pleasures

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Some people say the main way to be happy in life is to have a lot of money. How might having a lot of money make people happy? What other things in life can make people happy?

Your opinion

Nowadays children play computer games for long hours. They do not play traditional game. What do you think are the reasons for this? Do you think it influences in a good or bad way?

Some scientists believe that studying the behaviors of 3-year-old children can predict their criminality. To what extent do you think a crime is a product of human nature or is it possible to stop children from growing up to be criminals?

Popular events like the foot boll World Cup and other international Sporting Occasions are essential in easting international tensions and releasing patriotic emotions in a safe way. How To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Weddings are getting bigger and more expensive. What is the reason for this? Is it a positive or negative development?

The internet has make many things in our lives simpler. However, it has also brought new threats. Do the advantages of using the internet outweigh the disadvantages?