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Band 7.5

The crime rate nowadays is decreasing compared to the past due to advanced technology which can prevent and solve the crime. Do you agree or disagree?

#crime #rate #technology
In
this
 day and age, it could be said that
due to
 the development of
technology
 in maintaining and enforcing the law, the number of
crimes
 is declining. From my viewpoint, I agree partly with
this
 statement. On the one hand, thanks to the evolution of
technology
, the government has a clear opportunity to control society.
To begin
 with, by using several modern devices
such
 as security cameras or automatic alarms, numerous potential criminals might give up the intention of falling foul of the law.
Besides
, tracking
crimes
 might become easier because
police
 can rely on the memory of cameras in order to know where they happen.
Moreover
, reports to the local authority about people who commit infractions could be done sooner compared to the past. There are several ways for citizens to inform the
police
 about offences
such
 as calling directly to the
police
 station or texting the local
police
 on social media.
For instance
, in Vietnam, when people want to report a crime to the
police
, they can call a hotline
instead
 of going to the
police
 station.
On the other hand
, I am firmly convinced that these state-of-the-art technologies could become useful tools for criminals.
First,
an offence can be committed on the internet by an increasing number of white-collar
crimes
 that are gifted at
technology
. They can take part in unlawful acts without having to go directly to the actual crime scene where they want to create the infractions.
For instance
, many hackers just need a small-sized laptop and they can even attack websites with the gov domain, which belongs to the government.
Second,
the rising number of people using electronic devices could be a chance for cyber criminals to steal information. Without taking any action
of protecting
Change preposition
to protect
show examples
 personal information, hackers can have a huge ability to access one's devices and take all the information including bank accounts or numerous crucial passwords. In conclusion,
although
 the evolution of
technology
 might help reduce crime rates, it is my firm belief that it can
also
 become a potential area for new
crimes
.
Submitted by huynhtrucminhthu39 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph is focused on a separate main point and use linking words to connect ideas to improve coherence.
task achievement
Try to include a clearer and more direct position to the question in the introduction.
task achievement
Provide clearer examples and expand on how they support your main points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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