IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The crime rate nowadays is decreasing compared to the past due to advanced technology which can prevent and solve the crime. Do you agree or disagree?

#crime #rate #technology
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
this
Linking Words
 day and age, it could be said that
due to
Linking Words
 the development of
technology
Use synonyms
 in maintaining and enforcing the law, the number of
crimes
Use synonyms
 is declining. From my viewpoint, I agree partly with
this
Linking Words
 statement. On the one hand, thanks to the evolution of
technology
Use synonyms
, the government has a clear opportunity to control society.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, by using several modern devices
such
Linking Words
 as security cameras or automatic alarms, numerous potential criminals might give up the intention of falling foul of the law.
Besides
Linking Words
, tracking
crimes
Use synonyms
 might become easier because
police
Use synonyms
 can rely on the memory of cameras in order to know where they happen.
Moreover
Linking Words
, reports to the local authority about people who commit infractions could be done sooner compared to the past. There are several ways for citizens to inform the
police
Use synonyms
 about offences
such
Linking Words
 as calling directly to the
police
Use synonyms
 station or texting the local
police
Use synonyms
 on social media.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Vietnam, when people want to report a crime to the
police
Use synonyms
, they can call a hotline
instead
Linking Words
 of going to the
police
Use synonyms
 station.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I am firmly convinced that these state-of-the-art technologies could become useful tools for criminals.
First,
Linking Words
an offence can be committed on the internet by an increasing number of white-collar
crimes
Use synonyms
 that are gifted at
technology
Use synonyms
. They can take part in unlawful acts without having to go directly to the actual crime scene where they want to create the infractions.
For instance
Linking Words
, many hackers just need a small-sized laptop and they can even attack websites with the gov domain, which belongs to the government.
Second,
Linking Words
the rising number of people using electronic devices could be a chance for cyber criminals to steal information. Without taking any action
of protecting
Change preposition
to protect
show examples
 personal information, hackers can have a huge ability to access one's devices and take all the information including bank accounts or numerous crucial passwords. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 the evolution of
technology
Use synonyms
 might help reduce crime rates, it is my firm belief that it can
also
Linking Words
 become a potential area for new
crimes
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by huynhtrucminhthu39 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph is focused on a separate main point and use linking words to connect ideas to improve coherence.
task achievement
Try to include a clearer and more direct position to the question in the introduction.
task achievement
Provide clearer examples and expand on how they support your main points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • surveillance systems
  • CCTV cameras
  • forensic technology
  • crime scene analysis
  • conviction rates
  • data analytics
  • predictive policing
  • high-risk areas
  • cybersecurity measures
  • cybercrime
  • sensitive information
  • social media
  • online platforms
  • emergencies
  • law enforcement response
What to do next:
Look at other essays: