IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

By punishing murderer with the death penalty, society is also guilty of committing murder. Therefore, life in prison is a better punishment for murderers. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#murderer #death #penalty #society #murder #life #prison #punishment #murderers
Nowadays, there are still some countries around the world, where the
death
penalty
 exists. Some people believe that
this
 is immoral and should be replaced by
life
 in
prison
. I acknowledge their opinion but I have a solid position that in some cases the
death
penalty
 is the only right decision for judges.
To begin
 with, when murderers commit their crimes, they take the lives of their
victims
 and,
therefore
, take happiness, freedom and love.
Thus
, I believe that it is unfair and immoral for the
victims
 to give their murderers a chance for
life
 even though in
prison
.
Moreover
, some of these prisoners have a chance to avoid
life
 in
prison
due to
 good advocates.
Hence
, they leave a chance for happiness, freedom and love for themselves but not for the individuals whom they killed.
For example
, the
death
penalty
 is illegal in Kazakhstan,
consequently
, if someone murdered poor children he or she would be guilty but still alive, which, in my opinion, is unacceptable.
In addition
,
victims
' parents and friends would live forever with an understanding that a murderer is still alive. In fact, the closest people would suffer for the rest of their lives because of
this
 injustice. As long as we have
life
 in
prison
 as the strongest punishment in some countries, justice for parents and friends of
victims
 never exists.
For instance
, in the USA in 2022, the advocates ended up with
life
 in
prison
 for the murderer who killed 17 individuals.
As a result
 of
such
 injustice, the families would live with
this
 forever. In conclusion, I would say that sometimes committing a crime should be punished with the
death
penalty
,
otherwise
Add a comma
otherwise,
show examples
 it would bring pain for close people
as well as
 destroy the justice system.
Submitted by bale.dunkel on

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Task Response
Your essay addresses the prompt effectively by discussing the topic of the death penalty versus life in prison. You provide balanced arguments to support your position, which demonstrates a clear understanding of the issue at hand.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each paragraph is well-developed and contributes to the overall coherence of the essay. Consider using transition words and phrases to improve the flow of your ideas even further.
Task Response
Effective discussion of both sides of the argument
Coherence and Cohesion
Clear structure with well-developed paragraphs

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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