IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this option

#people #music #cultures #ages #option
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A group of
people
 considered that the best way to connect
people
 in different countries and ages is
music
Change preposition
through music
show examples
. I totally agree with
this
 viewpoint due to the benefits song bring to the current life.
First
 of all,
music
 has existed for thousand
years
Change preposition
of years
show examples
,
thus
, it will be
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 useful tool to transmit culture between different generations. Difficulties in life, poverties, and wars were described carefully through
music
;
moreover
, the diversity of instruments, lyrics and melody showed the creativity of humanization at that time. Each country has their own dense history of
music
;
therefore
, listeners
at
Change preposition
of
show examples
 different ages can
Correct your spelling
feel
show examples
fell
Correct your spelling
feel
show examples
 the meaning of the songs.
For example
, “Cung Dinh Hue” one kind of Royal
music
 has been recognized by UNESCO as an intangible cultural heritage. If foreign
people
 listened to
this
 performance, they can
Correct your spelling
feel
show examples
fell
Correct your spelling
feel
show examples
the
Change the article
apply
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traditional
Replace the word
traditions
show examples
 of
Vietnamese
Correct article usage
the Vietnamese
show examples
,
then
Correct word choice
and then
show examples
 understand more about the culture and history.
On the other hand
, some
people
 argued that
music
 for youth is not suitable for
elder
Add an article
the elder
show examples
;
furthermore
, the lyrics of
this
 kind of sound sometimes make no sense.
This
 argument is true;
however
, the reasons why adults dislike young
music
 are not mean that it has no meaning. Each person will have their own
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
 type of melody, there will always exist lyrical
music
,
Fix the infinitive
to connect
show examples
connect
Wrong verb form
connecting
show examples
 with listeners of different ages.
For instance
, Adele, a famous
America
Replace the word
American
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 singer,
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
has received 2 Oscars for her excellent sound. Her songs have a catchy vibe,
also
, the lyrics are very meaningful, so both younger and elder
people
 could be addicted to her compounds. In conclusion, there is no discussion about
music
 being
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
powerful to transmit
traditional
Replace the word
tradition
show examples
 and
connecting
Wrong verb form
connect
show examples
people
. As well, governments should invest and encourage creators
make
Add the particle
to make
show examples
music
 with the cultural identity of their country.
Submitted by namkhanh.tran2310 on

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