IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people say that the Internet is bringing people together by making the world smaller. Do you agree that the Internet is making it easier for people to communicate with one another?

#people #internet #world
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In contemporary times, the Internet has made humans' lives become more convenient, especially in
communication
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. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I agree with
this
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 development and contend that smartphones and some social media are the primary reasons, which cause modern society.
To begin
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 with, compared with earlier periods, some intelligent devices have significantly changed the behaviours of humans in terms of
communication
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.
For instance
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, after the iPhone 1 was created by Steve Jobs, individuals could utilize smartphones to message immediately.
Subsequently
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, the current public can even use face-to-face functions, thereby enhancing the quality of conversation.
Consequently
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, with cutting-edge technology, people can be more likely to realize others' meanings, send information more instantaneously, and ultimately receive better quality of
communication
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.
Moreover
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, these technological devices can go
further
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 to stimulate information exchange.
This
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 is because substantial apps are modelled after technology arises. Apps
such
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 as Facebook, YouTube, and other types of social media have more likelihood of representing public emotion and communicating more intensely.
For example
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, social media provides various functions to present emotion,
such
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 as sending pictures. and reporting articles.
In addition
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, many mental experts indicate that using these measures to exchange may be more effective than traditional measures
such
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 as typing words.
As a result
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, in
this
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 multi-faceted software, it is unsurprising that
communication
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 will be sent more powerfully. In summary, I firmly agree that the Internet indeed improves the
communication
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 environment because
this
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 provides numerous benefits for
communication
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. Intelligent cell phones can help people message more rapidly
as well as
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 depict their languages more emotionally.
Submitted by daniellin0717 on

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task achievement
To strengthen your task response, ensure that you consistently stay on topic throughout the essay. Your examples should be more directly tied to the main argument to fully develop your points.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, continue to use linking words and phrases effectively, but ensure the connections between ideas are clear and logical. Avoid any minor grammatical errors to improve the overall flow of the essay.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your argument.
supported main points
Your main points are well-supported with relevant examples, enhancing the strength of your argument.
logical structure
The logical structure of the essay is sound, making your arguments easy to follow.
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