IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this option

#people #music #cultures #ages #option
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A group of
people
 considered that the best way to connect
people
 in different countries and ages is through
music
. I totally agree with
this
 viewpoint
due to
 the benefits
song
Fix the agreement mistake
songs
show examples
 bring to the current life. First of all, singing has existed for thousands of years,
thus
, it will be a useful tool to transmit culture between different generations. Difficulties in life, poverties, and wars were described carefully through tune;
moreover
, the diversity of instruments, lyrics, and melody showed the creativity of humanization at that time. Each country has its dense history of songs;
therefore
, listeners of different ages can feel the meaning of the songs.
For example
, “Cung Dinh Hue” one kind of Royal
sound
 has been recognized by UNESCO as an intangible cultural heritage. If foreign
people
 listened to
this
 performance, they
can
Wrong verb form
could
show examples
 feel the traditional Vietnamese, and
then
 understand more about the culture and history.
On the other hand
, some
people
argued
Wrong verb form
argue
show examples
 that
music
 for youth is not suitable for the
elder
Replace the word
elderly
show examples
;
furthermore
, the lyrics of
this
 kind of
sound
 sometimes make no sense.
This
 argument is true;
however
, the reasons why adults dislike young song
are
Verb problem
do
show examples
 not mean that it has no meaning. Each person will have their favourite type of melody, there will always exist lyrical
music
, to connect with listeners of different ages.
For instance
, Adele, a famous American singer, has received 2 Oscars for her excellent
sound
. Her songs have a catchy vibe,
also
, the lyrics are very meaningful, so both the younger and
elder
Correct your spelling
older
show examples
 public could be addicted to her compounds. In conclusion, there is no discussion about
sound
 being powerful
to
Rephrase
enough to
show examples
 transmit tradition and connect
people
. As well, governments should invest and encourage creators to make
music
 with the cultural identity of their country.
Submitted by namkhanh.tran2310 on

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Coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph contributes to the main argument and supports the overall topic. Use topic sentences to clearly introduce the main point of each paragraph and ensure that the essay has a clear introduction and conclusion.
Task Response
Make sure to address all aspects of the prompt, including both agreeing and disagreeing viewpoints. Develop each main idea with relevant and specific examples to support your position.
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