IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that schools are no longer necessary because children can get so much information available through the Internet while others believe that nothing can replace physical classrooms with direct guidance from teachers.Discuss both views( and give your own opinion).

#people #schools #children #information #internet #classrooms #guidance #teachers
Some peoples argue that due to the advent of technology pupils get more
information
 than in traditional classrooms,
hence
 there are no need
educational
Change preposition
for educational
show examples
 institutions. While others advocate that nothing can surpass the teacher's interactions with students. I believe that teachers are important in
once
Correct your spelling
one
show examples
 life we can not have an alternative
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
. I am going
further
 elaborate on both views in the following paragraphs. Admittedly, it is true that we can have a lot of
information
 from websites rather than
Correct your spelling
regular
regualr
Correct your spelling
regular
 training. ,
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 it is failed to act on the
student
Change noun form
student's
show examples
 understanding
additionally
 it is
also
 not possible to act differently as per the capability of children.
This
 is not only adverse to the student's learning ability but
also
failed
Add the particle
tofailed
show examples
 provide
accurately
Change the word
accurate
show examples
 and required
information
. For ,example a survey conducted on UK students , found that those who attend
classroom
 training are found to be more competent than others.
Thus
 I believe that
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is always
classroom
 teaching more viable than the other mode of learning. Another debatable point is that while using
information
 online there is no monitoring
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 adolescents.
Consequently
Add a comma
,Consequently
show examples
 it is uncontrollable what offspring are doing during their learning hours,
this
 may lead to detrimental effects
such
 as their access to porn sites or they may be trapped by hackers.
For instance
 in Canada hackers are frequently targeted
Add the comma(s)
,
show examples
learning students.
Hence
 I Assert that it is always better to have a traditional
classroom
 to make constructive progress in the student learning curve. In Conclusion,
although
 there are
wides
Fix the agreement mistake
wide
show examples
 available sites for online learning. ,
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
 it is not always found viable
hence
classroom
 teaching is always good than
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 one.
Submitted by kadem.naresh286 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: