IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to cooperate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #sense #competition #children #adults
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some people argue that
heirs
Use synonyms
 should develop a
sense
Use synonyms
 of competition, while others feel that the
sense
Use synonyms
 of cooperation is more important when they reach adulthood.
This
Linking Words
 essay argues that
although
Linking Words
 competition can help offspring to be successful, learning to cooperate is more essential because it teaches them to work with a team, a crucial adult skill. A
sense
Use synonyms
 of competition can cultivate the desire to advance children so that they are usually more likely to approach success. The competitive spirit will make
heirs
Use synonyms
 the ability to be aggressive and focus on the challenge when they face a worse situation, as well as help to stand their ground in a dilemma.
For example
Linking Words
, the Chinese businessmen had a commercial competitive spirit, which made the Chinese survive and develop in the fiercely competitive American market.
However
Linking Words
,
heirs
Use synonyms
 who live in a complex society should learn how to deal with different teamwork which can be helpful for their future careers. A
sense
Use synonyms
 of cooperation is essential for offspring's development impact, which will
also
Linking Words
 become a valuable skill when they grow up. Children who are taught to cooperate are more easily finding their position in a team, giving full play to their advantage and developing more smoothly in the workplace when they grow up. With the development of society, nobody would say they can achieve success without cooperating with others. In the monkey experiment conducted by scholars at the University of California in the United States, only monkeys cooperating can survive. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 offspring should be encouraged to keep competitiveness which can easier to reach success, I believe that cooperation is more important for
heirs
Use synonyms
 because it will become a very useful skill for offspring to grow up into adults.
Submitted by yuanuf on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: