IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people say that the price increase of fattening foods will solve this problem. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is
Correct your spelling
true
sure
ture
Correct your spelling
true
 that the problem of obesity is increasing at an alarming rate and become a huge concern
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 and citizens. Some
people
Use synonyms
Correct your spelling
recommend
recommand
Correct your spelling
recommend
 that the
price
Use synonyms
 of junk
food
Use synonyms
 should be raised to tackle
this
Linking Words
 problem, while in my opinion, it might be helpful to some
Correct your spelling
extent
show examples
extant
Correct your spelling
extent
show examples
, but there are other measures that are more effective to address
this
Linking Words
 issue better. On the one hand, admittedly,
rising
Correct your spelling
raising
show examples
 the
price
Use synonyms
 of junk
food
Use synonyms
 can help to shape
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
consumers' eating habits.
Firstly
Linking Words
, consumers would seek alternative options over sugary and fast foods due to
limited
Correct pronoun usage
their limited
show examples
 budget. If the
Use synonyms
Correct your spelling
unhealthy
show examples
unhealth
Correct your spelling
unhealthy
show examples
 foods,
such
Linking Words
 as cheese
burgars
Correct your spelling
burgers
burglars
, pizzas and sodas cost too much,
people
Use synonyms
 would rather choose some cost-effective and low-calorie products to minimize
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 expense.
In addition
Linking Words
, increasing the
price
Use synonyms
 of
fat
Replace the word
fatty
show examples
food
Use synonyms
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
actually
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 the
food
Use synonyms
 producer
losing
Wrong verb form
lose
show examples
 some of the markets and
reducing
Wrong verb form
reduce
show examples
 sales profits. In
this
Linking Words
 way,
food
Use synonyms
manufactures
Correct your spelling
manufacturers
show examples
 will
forced
Change the verb form
be forced
show examples
 to develop more green
food
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as sugar-free beverages and calories-free sandwiches.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, simply increasing the
price
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
Correct your spelling
unhealthy
show examples
unhealth
Correct your spelling
unhealthy
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 cannot eliminate
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
obesity
Correct your spelling
because
besause
Correct your spelling
because
 the rationale
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
 problem is
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the unhealth
show examples
Correct your spelling
unhealthy
show examples
unhealth
Correct your spelling
unhealthy
show examples
 lifestyle of modern
people
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, more methods are required to mitigate
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
 overweight issue. To start with,
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should take the
Correct your spelling
responsibility
responsbility
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 to take some actions to raise citizens' awareness of the serious
Correct your spelling
consequences
consequence
consequency
Correct your spelling
consequences
 of
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
an unhealth
show examples
Correct your spelling
unhealthy
show examples
unhealth
Correct your spelling
unhealthy
show examples
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
,
regime
Add an article
the regime
show examples
 could
invitie
Correct your spelling
invite
 some expertise to host some lessons to teach
people
Use synonyms
 how to keep good eating habits and keep in good shape.
Besides
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should invest money
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 fitness facilities.
For example
Linking Words
, building more sports arenas that are open
freely
Replace the word
free
show examples
 to
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
 and encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to do regular exercises. In conclusion, I believe raising the
price
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
Correct your spelling
unhealthy
show examples
unhealth
Correct your spelling
unhealthy
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 is not the only way to help obese
people
Use synonyms
, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
other
Change the wording
another
show examples
 more effective
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
show examples
 that
government
Use synonyms
 should put
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
show examples
on
Change preposition
into
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • overweight
  • fattening foods
  • calorie-dense
  • healthier food choices
  • taxation
  • economic implications
  • social implications
  • subsidies
  • nutritional education
  • public health campaigns
  • nanny state
  • individual's right
  • consumer behavior
  • preventative measures
What to do next:
Look at other essays: