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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people say that the increasing business and cultural contact between countries is a positive development, while others think that many countries will lose their national identities as a result. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #business #contact #countries #development #identities
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It is under discussion by a few
people
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 that the rise in the trading system and cultural link between different countries brings beneficial impact on societies and nations.
Whereas
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, others are against
this
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 view and say that by
such
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 involvement we lose our identity and fully become dependent on our
heritage
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.
However
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, in my opinion, it is a positive development because one can become familiar with other cultures and enhance their knowledge by exploring their cultural values.
To begin
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 with, the group of
people
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 who are in
favor
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favour
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 of the industrialization and cultural
heritage
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 of different countries when combined produce a positive impact on the nation
as well as
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 on the
people
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 living there. As they are promoting their
culture
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 it includes their food, dresses, dances, and many more things. The
people
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 who are not aware of their
culture
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 try to visit there and explore different cultures and want to buy their cultural costume as they are fascinated by most of the
people
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.
Hence
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, it is proved that it helps
people
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 from different areas unite and share their time.
Secondly
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, it
also
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 helps us to boost the economy by selling our products to them and
also
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 buying their commodities from them. It
also
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 allows the international student to learn and explore the
culture
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 of others so when they move to foreign countries they learn about their
heritage
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 so it is a plus point that they are learning from them. On the flip side, many
people
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 think by doing
such
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 things one can lose their identity and try to adopt their
culture
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instead
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 of following their moral values, it has a devastating effect on the upcoming generation because they are new and they are adopting all the foreign
culture
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 and they want to become like them,
moreover
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, they try to copy them without thinking about their festivals, foods they want to know about their religion,
culture
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 risking their interest. A typical example of
this
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 in the 20th century is when parts of Cherokee Indian
culture
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 and
heritage
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 in the USA were lost
due to
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 the eagerness to adapt to the
culture
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 of the European settlers. In conclusion, I believe that protecting
culture
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 and tradition depends on each country, and these would not be harmed by business and cultural exchanges with other nations.
Submitted by aimenmalik2021 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance Coherence and Cohesion, ensure a clear and logical progression of ideas. Use linking words effectively to show the relationships between paragraphs and within them. Additionally, consider varying your sentence structures for improved readability.
Task Achievement
For Task Achievement, further development of your ideas with more detailed and specific examples could enhance your score. Ensure you address all parts of the task, including a clear and strong personal stance. Make your argument more persuasive by contrasting views more effectively and providing more comprehensive examples to back up your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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