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Writing Samples /
Band 5

There seems to be an increasing number of serious crimes committed each year. While some think the best way is to use the death penalty as a deterrent, many believe that other measures will be needed. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

#crimes #year #think #death #penalty #deterrent #measures
Apparently, there is an increase in the rate of illegal actions which are done annually. It is considered by
some
Capitalize word
Some
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 that capital punishment is the best method to deter the problem,
while
 most people think some other approaches prevent criminals from
doing
Verb problem
committing
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offenses
Change the spelling
offences
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. As far as I am concerned, the second group have a better point
due to
 the reasons which will be discussed in the following paragraphs. On the one hand, execution serves as a remedy for decreasing the number of crimes. Supporters of
this
 perspective believe that by sentencing a person who has committed a major offence,
such
 as murder or rape, other social members will be warned to be more careful about their behaviour and actions.
Moreover
, in order to maintain justice in society, not only do the victims need to be sure that
supported are
Verb problem
apply
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their rights, but
also
 their family members have to be properly defended.
On the other hand
, the majority of people think that other possible measures ought to be
performed
Verb problem
taken
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 to tackle the problem.
In other words
, each person has the right to live, the government and society should,
therefore
, give them an opportunity to rebuild their lives rather than sentencing them to death.
For instance
, so effective can be a life sentence that several countries have widely implemented. Personally, I suppose that authorities need to pave the way for offenders by more humanistic enforcement, say, vocational training or rehabilitation classes to educate the guilty ones as well. In conclusion,
while
 people may vary in their opinions about how to reduce the number of crimes either by death sentence or minor penalties, I assume that lawbreakers will face a better future if they are given another chance in their lives.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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task response
Task Response: The essay addresses both sides of the argument and provides a clear opinion. However, the discussion lacks depth and could benefit from more detailed analysis of each point. Expand on the arguments and provide more supporting evidence to strengthen the response.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay has a logical structure and presents relevant ideas. However, there are some issues with linking words and sentence structure. Use a wider range of cohesive devices to improve the flow of ideas. Additionally, pay attention to sentence structure and ensure coherence at the paragraph level.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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