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Band 6.5

Some think that people should not change th9eir jobs while others think they should because it brings advantages for themselves, the company and society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#think #people #change #eir #jobs #company #society
Whether
one
 should
change
 their
job
 or not is a matter of argument, as some
people
 believe that we should stick to our current occupation,
while
 others might say that it can be beneficial to
change
 our career when it is necessary. I am among those who agree with the latter viewpoint because of the beneficial aspects of changing jobs.
People
 who claim that an individual should avoid changing their
job
 are of the opinion that
this
change
 could be considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a waste of
time
. They say the amount of
time
 and energy which might be consumed in order to make a
change
 in
one
's profession can be spent more efficiently to achieve a career progression in their current
job
 position.
This
 could be much better for them because
this
 can help their income to improve in a shorter period of
time
 and bring them
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
job
satisfaction
,
as a result
. On the other side of
this
 argument, many professionals believe that having a
job
 which does not suit a person could have some destructive consequences with regard to their mental health
such
 as depression.
People
 spend a great proportion of their
time
 in their working environment, so having a career that can bring us
job
satisfaction
 could be essential for having a joyful life.
For instance
, many professionals in the field of medicine like dentists and general surgeons have
witnessed to be
Wrong verb form
been
show examples
 suffering from depression despite the high amount of income they have, and
that is
 caused by the lack of
job
satisfaction
. I believe that the former viewpoint that discourage
people
 from changing their
job
, tend to ignore the impacts of
one
's aptitude and interests in a specific field. Without these features, there is no guarantee that even if someone decides to stay in their current
job
, they can manage to enhance the situation by achieving a promotion.
Consequently
, they will waste their
time
 and energy more than the amount needed to make a
change
. In conclusion, changing careers could be a necessity in
one
's life, especially when the lack of
satisfaction
 is notable. If we try to stick to our current position just because of the fear of losing some
time
 and money, there is a great chance that we face consequences like being depressed.
Submitted by greatsoloist on

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coherence cohesion
You exhibit good control over the structure of your essay with clear paragraphs, each presenting a distinct viewpoint. Continue to maintain logical paragraphing and clear topic sentences to guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
While your introduction and conclusion are present and clearly state the essay's position, ensure that they are also succinct yet informative. This could help in making a stronger immediate impact on the reader.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with more varied and detailed examples. Doing so will ground your arguments and make them more persuasive. Try to include references to studies or statistics where possible.
task achievement
You successfully address all parts of the task, showing an understanding of the topic and presenting a balanced discussion. Be careful to maintain this balance to avoid skewing towards one viewpoint without sufficient exploration of the other.
task achievement
You present your ideas clearly, but can strive for greater clarity by avoiding overly complex sentence structures or less common vocabulary that might distract from your argument.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples and evidence to support your claims. This can include personal anecdotes, statistical data, or referencing real-world scenarios, which will help in convincingly conveying your perspective.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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