IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Government should close companies that produce toxic waste materials without their own waste treatments facility in order to protect the environment. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#government #companies #waste #materials #treatments #facility #environment
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Nowadays, we encounter some news about environmental issues through the media in our society. Some people
argued
Wrong verb form
argue
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 that if they do not have their own dumping
systems
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, the government must restrict
companies
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 that dispose of
waste
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 materials,
which is
Verb problem
apply
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including toxins because it is one of the ways that can
preserve
Verb problem
solve
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 various environmental problems . I endorse the idea that they have responsibility for it. On the one hand, most
companies
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 like conglomerates should put in place their own
waste
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systems
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 for the factories.
This
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 is because they use different types of materials to produce some products.
As a result
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, they will able to throw out a lot of leaving and dis products
while
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 making mass items. So, they are likely to repeat
this
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 process again and again, and it leads to severe environmental problems related to air, soil and water.
Therefore
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, these matters are getting worse
by
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apply
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them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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than ever before since there are built a huge amount of factories.
Moreover
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, it can give citizens harmful effects if they do not operate
this
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 system properly.
For instance
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, some
companies
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 dump the
waste
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 materials into other places like rivers and the ground or they burn their goods, which causes deterioration of the health of the folk. They will able to suffer from various diseases like pneumonia, lung cancer and dysentery.
For
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this
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 reason, they have to construct their own
waste
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systems
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 to prevent the bad effects.
To sum up
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, if they do not have these
systems
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, the government should prohibit them
to run
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from running
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 their
companies
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 because it can bring not only environmental problems but
also
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 people's diseases.
Submitted by komi4144 on

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task response
Task Response: The essay partially addresses the task, but the argument lacks depth and complexity. There is a need for a more comprehensive exploration of the issue, considering various perspectives and potential counterarguments.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay demonstrates some logical structure and the presence of an introduction and conclusion. However, the organization of ideas could be improved for better clarity and coherence. Additionally, using cohesive devices more effectively would enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
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