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Band 6.5

Government should spend more money on medical research and less on researching the environment. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#government #money #research #environment
Many people nowadays believe that the state should spend less funds on researching the
environment
 and more on medical research.
This
 essay disagrees with
this
 statement because studying different aspects of
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
 could help prevent and find cures for different varieties of diseases.
To begin
 with, it is noticeable that by improving the
environment
 , the effects of many diseases would be less destructive and some of them could be prevented before going viral.
For example
, one of the main reasons for lung cancer
this days
Change the determiner
this day
these days
show examples
 is air pollution which is caused by jungles getting wiped out by natural and human causes.
Furthermore
 , many governments have tried to put a stop to
this
 by researching how to revive the lost jungles with the help of
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
 scientists.
Nonetheless
,
this
 important act showed its result with the number of lung cancer patients getting lower within 5 years.
Moreover
, the other worth mentioning reason is that many of the elements needed for medical research can be found in the
environment
 around us.
Nevertheless
, these elements would be needed to find a cure for many illnesses
such
 as the bird flu.
For instance
 , 5 decades ago
this
 flu was a major problem in all countries
however
, a group of researchers
along with
 help from the British government ,figured out that
this
 sickness could be cured with a vaccine made out of a very rare bacteria which could be found in some specific rain forests. Because of
this
 , the bird flu is now cured. In conclusion, the outcome of spending both money and time on
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
 is unquestionably worth it.
Submitted by mhosseinnaseri14 on

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task achievement
Clarify and articulate your main points more distinctly. While your argument is present, sharper statements could enhance its impact.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of sentence structures and transitional phrases to improve the flow between ideas and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Enhance your introduction and conclusion by clearly restating your position and summarizing your argument more powerfully.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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