IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that the government should increase tax on unhealthy food to encourage people to start eating healthily. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Many
people
Use synonyms
 believe that the government should raise
tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
show examples
 on junk
food
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 to get
people
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 to eat the right foods. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement and I think that if the government does not raise the tax,
people
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 will get used to unhealthy
food
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 even more.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss why I agree
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
with some examples. First of all, now
people
Use synonyms
 tend to buy unhealthy
food
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, but I thought if you increase the price of unhealthy
food
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, even a small part of
people
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 will stop eating
this
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 bad
food
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. Unhealthy
food
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 brings a lot of harm to the body and health of
people
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.
Nowaday
Correct your spelling
Nowadays
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 many
people
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 are faced with the problem of obesity.
People
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 can't stop eating various fried foods.
According to
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 statistics, every year more than 1000
people
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 die from obesity.
However
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, these
people
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 can't stop and because of
that
Add a comma
,that
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 the government should increase
tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
show examples
 on unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
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, it's
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
proven method that eating a lot of unhealthy
food
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 can lead to high blood pressure, which in turn increases the risk of
heart
Add an article
a heart
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 attack in
people
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 of all ages.
For example
Linking Words
, Harry Miller from America where
people
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 died more
due to
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 fast
food
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 or unhealthy
food
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. Harry always ate fast
food
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 and because of
this
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, he became overweight and
also
Linking Words
 his heart failed.
Therefore
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, he spent the
last
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 2 years of
life
Correct pronoun usage
his life
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 in the hospital with healthy
food
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.
To conclude
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, I strongly believe that
people
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 will understand the harm of unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
 and decide to eat less or even remove it from
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 diet.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • unhealthy food
  • junk food
  • calorie-dense
  • taxing
  • incentivize
  • manufacturers
  • prohibitively expensive
  • disproportionately
  • low-income households
  • healthcare costs
  • obesity
  • diet-related diseases
  • punitive measures
  • lifestyle choices
  • government intervention
  • food industry
  • economic impact
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