IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think the government should pay for health care and education, but there is no agreement about whether it is the government’s responsibility. What is your opinion?

#people #government #health #care #education #agreement #government’s #responsibility
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There are controversial perspectives heating up a debate over the essence of the government's full payment.
While
 some claim that it is crucial for the state to pay for
healthcare
 and education, the opposite holds a strong view that it is not the governor’s responsibility. I would contend that the authority should support financially for schooling and
healthcare
 treatments but not pay completely. Without a shadow of a doubt, the government ought to provide financial support for
healthcare
Correct article usage
the healthcare
show examples
 and
educational
Correct article usage
the educational
show examples
 system. Since it can not only
thrive
Verb problem
improve
show examples
 the labor quality in expertise and physical health of their dwellers but it can
also
 develop the national economy.
For instance
, some countries
such
 as Germany and
Netherlands
Correct article usage
the Netherlands
show examples
where
Correct word choice
which
show examples
 abolish tuition fees or provide scholarships and medical insurance for students have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
great economic strength.
Hence
, it is vital that the authority cover these two necessary systems'
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
.
While
 the essence of the governor’s financial
assist
Replace the word
assistance
show examples
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
healthcare
 treatment and schooling is widely acknowledged, they had better not invest in these two systems completely.
This
 is probably because if inhabitants have to bear
this
 cost, they will have more responsibility
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their health and awareness of studying.
For instance
, if the statement
pay
Change the verb form
pays
show examples
full
Change preposition
in full
show examples
, people who engage in self-destructive lifestyles or drop out of school will
also
 have benefits, which is unjust to other liable citizens.
Thus
, the expenditure
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
healthcare
 and education should not be completely covered by the governor. In conclusion,
although
 these backbone industries are necessary for the country’s development, these expenses should not be paid completely by
government’s
Correct article usage
the government’s
show examples
 funds.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

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task achievement
Ensure a clear thesis statement is presented in the introduction to guide the reader on your standpoint throughout the essay.
task achievement
Enhance task response by providing more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Strive for a logical and natural flow of ideas by organizing paragraphs clearly around key points and using linking words effectively.
coherence cohesion
Avoid redundancy and repetition to make your argument more concise and impactful.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • fundamental human rights
  • boosts the country's economy
  • productivity
  • public funding
  • equality and accessibility
  • socio-economic status
  • privatized
  • disparities
  • prioritize
  • people's well-being
  • inefficiencies
  • bureaucratic challenges
  • mixed approach
  • optimize
  • quality
  • availability
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