IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In today's world, private companies rather than government pay for and conduct most scientific research. Do you think the advantages outweigh disadvantages?

#world #companies #government #conduct #research
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These days, most scientific studies are invested and managed by private corporations
instead
Linking Words
 of authorities.
While
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 I understand that the matter may have some benefits, I strongly believe that its drawbacks are greater. On the one hand, there are a variety of advantages of private companies’ scientific
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
show examples
. The first one is that profit objectives are
initially
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 considered by most enterprises, which creates a great motivation to implement the best quality of experiments accompanied by the
best saving
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best-saving
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 money. It means that the investors have to select the workforce who are aware of time and money management
,
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apply
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 so that finance resources would not be wasted.
Besides
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, the outcomes from businesses’
investment
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investments
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 are quicker than authorities’
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. In fact, governments
have
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do have
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 not enough state budget and need to allocate
in
Change preposition
to
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 other major sectors
such
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 as education,
heathcare
Correct your spelling
healthcare
 or transportation.
On the other hand
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, when governments let private businesses handle a majority of scientific
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
show examples
, several problems can be predicted.
Firstly
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, there are few companies who are willing to take
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
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 to sponsor these studies on a large scale.
While
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 they have to expend a
hug
Correct your spelling
huge
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 finance, most outcomes are frequently offered to community benefits. Eventually, they may require the public to charge fees to access their research results, so that they can ensure expenses and incomes.
Furthermore
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, authorities hardly supervise the research process of organizations, which leads to criminal activities
may
Correct pronoun usage
that may
show examples
 be caused
due to
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 profits. With the aim of maximizing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
profits, corporations would sell their
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
show examples
 to illegal individuals like terrorists or criminals who can pose a threat to society. In conclusion,
while
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 scientific
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
show examples
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 private enterprises may have some positive aspects, I believe they are outweighed by the more significant negative aspects.
Submitted by trminhchau27 on

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task response
The essay addresses the prompt and attempts to present both the advantages and disadvantages of private companies conducting scientific research. However, the ideas are not fully developed and lack clear examples and explanations.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay is somewhat logical, but the introduction and conclusion are lacking. The main points are loosely connected and need better coherence and cohesion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • scientific research
  • private sector
  • government funding
  • technological innovation
  • competitive nature
  • profitable outcomes
  • conflict of interest
  • corporate bias
  • economic stimulation
  • public interest
  • non-profitable
  • public welfare
  • commercial applications
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