People spend too much time on the internet. Do you agree or disagree?

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Today, more and more people
use
Verb problem
spend
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prolonged
time
Use synonyms
on the internet daily. Some research said that
this
Linking Words
trend has dramatically increased for two decades. I strongly agree with the above statements as it is much more convenient than others. On the one hand, there are some aspects for people who spend much
time
Use synonyms
on the internet for work or study.
To begin
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with, it leads to enhanced workers who work more efficiently.
For instance
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, some technical experts always
use
Verb problem
spend
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a long
time
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doing research or
survey
Fix the agreement mistake
surveys
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online,
such
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as inventing their new products
such
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as Apple store employees. Another advantage is providing various information for students who search the facts of articles online. It needs much
time
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to explore or be evident. That's why I believe that students may spend a lot of
time
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finding out. Even though there are some beneficial points for human beings, a lot of pupils are often used for a long
time
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online leading to chronic illness.
For example
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, it is a fact that many surveys claim that if a huge number of pupils spent more
time
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online daily, it would cause chronic pain
such
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as the neck and shoulder.
This
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results in many people having to treat their illness frequently as it could affect their work performance. In a nutshell, following the above statements, there are some pros for humans working online every day.
However
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,
this
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may cause problems when they
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
a lot of
time
Use synonyms
on the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
. I suggest that if employees or learners can set a timetable for them using an online way, it will prevent chronic pain from occurring.
Submitted by jimmy.wong.wp on

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task response
The response does not fully address the task. The essay presents some arguments for and against spending time on the internet, but the focus and development of the positions are unclear. The essay lacks a clear thesis statement that states the position taken.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear organizational structure. The ideas are presented in a disorganized manner, which makes it difficult for the reader to follow the logical progression of the argument. The use of transition words and cohesive devices is limited, leading to a lack of coherence and cohesion.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • excessive
  • negatively affects
  • physical and mental health
  • decreased productivity
  • hinders personal growth
  • internet addiction
  • essential
  • numerous benefits
  • productive
  • educational
  • wisely
  • individual choice
  • responsibility
  • manage
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