Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #sense #competition #children #co-operate #adults

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Nowadays,

purpose

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the purpose

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of education

being

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is being

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changed in South Korea. There are some

people

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who think that

competition

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children

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should be made,

also

Linking Words

others believe that

children

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who are taught to co-operate as well as become more useful adults. There are advantages and disadvantages

for

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show examples

both of the

Correct your spelling

arguments

arguements

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arguments

To begin

Linking Words

with, what is good if a sense of

competition

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children

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is made? They could

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develop

develope

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develop

themselves more and more as they learn and

study

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a lot to win

from

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apply

show examples

the

competition

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.To prove

this

Linking Words

, in South Korea, it is popular—even common now—to have a tutor who

come

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comes

show examples

Correct article usage

a student's

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student's

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students'

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house to teach extra pieces of

study

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with

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without

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paying a lot of money. They learn faster than

what

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

they learn at school.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, during

the

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apply

show examples

vacations, students

study

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abroad to learn English for a month

instead

Linking Words

revise

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revising

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school work. If they have experiences

such

Linking Words

Use synonyms

study

Wrong verb form

studying

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abroad, it is one of the greatest plus

point

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points

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to go to the famous well-known

high-school

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high school

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Moreover

Linking Words

,there are four big school

exam

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exams

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and two national examinations to test students' level of studies. Generally, only the highest 40% can go to

the

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apply

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good quality

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good-quality

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high schools and colleges.

Children

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learn as much as they can, to win the

competition

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to obtain good quality schools.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, as they are busy

to enter

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entering

show examples

the

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apply

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schools and

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study

Wrong verb form

studying

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individually with their own tutors, there are problems. They become selfish.They become careless and don't help others a lot if it is about studies. There will be no co-operations

for

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between

show examples

them.

Then

Linking Words

, why are there companies for many

people

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to work in? Each of them

are

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clever,

however

Linking Words

, there are weak parts and strong parts for each person. To co-operate is to improve

this

Linking Words

part.

People

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talk and listen to what others

thinking

Wrong verb form

think

show examples

of and learn. That could

also

Linking Words

be a great opportunity to learn

instead

Linking Words

of learning alone with one teacher. In conclusion, I strongly agree

with

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apply

show examples

that

children

Use synonyms

should be taught to

co-operate

Correct your spelling

cooperate

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rather than compete. Nobody is perfect.

People

Use synonyms

learn together,

work

Correct word choice

and work

show examples

together to develop each other.

Therefore

Linking Words

, I want parents and teachers to educate

children

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concentrating

Change the verb form

to concentrate

show examples

co-operation

Correct your spelling

cooperation

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, not

compete

Replace the word

competition

show examples

and ranking them.

Submitted by 710917517 on Tue Nov 15 2022

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
33
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

361 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

encourage
compete
cooperate
useful
adults
skills
motivation
drive
resilience
failure
workplace
empathy
social skills
reduce
stress
pressure
balanced
approach
ideal

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Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people think students can evaluate their teachers while others think it may have some bad effects discuss. Do you agree or disagree?

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasize that their products are new in some ways. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Lack of fresh water is becoming global issue of increasing importance. What problems does this shortage cause? What measures could be taken to overcome these problems?

Nowadays, more and more people are moving from the countryside to cities, which are becoming overcrowded. What are the reasons for this movement to cities and what are the effects?

consumer are faced with increasing numbers of advertisements from competing companies. To what extent do you think are consumers influenced by advertisements? What measures can be taken to protect them?