Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays,
purpose
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the purpose
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of education
being
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is being
show examples
changed in South Korea. There are some
people
who think that
competition
in
children
should be made,
also
others believe that
children
who are taught to co-operate as well as become more useful adults. There are advantages and disadvantages
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
both of the
Correct your spelling
arguments
arguements
Correct your spelling
arguments
.
To begin
with, what is good if a sense of
competition
in
children
is made? They could
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develop
develope
Correct your spelling
develop
themselves more and more as they learn and
study
a lot to win
from
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apply
show examples
the
competition
.To prove
this
, in South Korea, it is popular—even common now—to have a tutor who
come
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comes
show examples
to
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a student's
show examples
student's
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students'
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house to teach extra pieces of
study
with
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without
show examples
paying a lot of money. They learn faster than
what
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
they learn at school.
Furthermore
, during
the
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apply
show examples
vacations, students
study
abroad to learn English for a month
instead
of
revise
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revising
show examples
school work. If they have experiences
such
as
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
abroad, it is one of the greatest plus
point
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points
show examples
to go to the famous well-known
high-school
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high school
show examples
.
Moreover
,there are four big school
exam
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exams
show examples
and two national examinations to test students' level of studies. Generally, only the highest 40% can go to
the
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apply
show examples
good quality
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good-quality
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high schools and colleges.
Children
learn as much as they can, to win the
competition
to obtain good quality schools.
On the other hand
, as they are busy
to enter
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entering
show examples
the
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apply
show examples
schools and
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
individually with their own tutors, there are problems. They become selfish.They become careless and don't help others a lot if it is about studies. There will be no co-operations
for
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between
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them.
Then
, why are there companies for many
people
to work in? Each of them
are
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is
show examples
clever,
however
, there are weak parts and strong parts for each person. To co-operate is to improve
this
part.
People
talk and listen to what others
thinking
Wrong verb form
think
show examples
of and learn. That could
also
be a great opportunity to learn
instead
of learning alone with one teacher. In conclusion, I strongly agree
with
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apply
show examples
that
children
should be taught to
co-operate
Correct your spelling
cooperate
show examples
rather than compete. Nobody is perfect.
People
learn together,
work
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and work
show examples
together to develop each other.
Therefore
, I want parents and teachers to educate
children
concentrating
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to concentrate
show examples
on
co-operation
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cooperation
show examples
, not
compete
Replace the word
competition
show examples
and ranking them.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • encourage
  • compete
  • cooperate
  • useful
  • adults
  • skills
  • motivation
  • drive
  • resilience
  • failure
  • workplace
  • empathy
  • social skills
  • reduce
  • stress
  • pressure
  • balanced
  • approach
  • ideal
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