IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 8

Some people think that teenage years are the happiest time of most people’s lives. Other think adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibilities. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #years #time #people’s #lives #adult #life #happiness #spite #responsibilities
It is often said that the youthful years bring the best memories.
However
, there have been
also
 some voices which claim that adulthood is the best time in a human's life.
While
 each of these views has both pros and cons, I believe that older age is the happiest one. Undoubtedly adulthood brings many responsibilities. The most significant disadvantage is the necessity to work. As long as you are a teenager all you have to do is study;
in contrast
, when you grow old you are forced to find a job in order to earn money for a living which is very time-consuming.
Furthermore
, you have to be fully responsible not only for yourself but
also
 for your family. When you are a youth everything you need is provided by your parents but when you settle down with your own family you are the one who has to ensure a dignified life for its members, which can cause stress and a feeling of being overwhelmed.
On the other hand
, adults enjoy some privileges which make their age generally happier. One of them is freedom
as well as
 independence. Adulthood allows you to do things you were not supposed to do when you were a child,
such
 as travel freely around the world,
consequently
 boosting your
overall
 happiness.
In addition
, you are free to choose your own path of development. It means that you can start your dream work or do other stuff that makes you happy -
in other words
, you create your own destiny. In conclusion, youthful years have many relevant advantages, like a lack of the necessity to work or take care of others.
However
, despite the fact that adults have greater responsibilities, they are free to do whatever they want, which, in my opinion, is more beneficial and makes
this
 age generally happier.
Submitted by kuba.glogowski on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Including more specific examples could strengthen your argument. Try to provide concrete instances to illustrate your points.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the clarity of some complex sentences to ensure they are easy to follow. This will improve your essay's readability.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear and comprehensive response to the task. Both views are discussed, and your opinion is well stated.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay is logically sound, with a well-defined introduction, body paragraphs, and a strong conclusion.
coherence cohesion
You supported your main points effectively, making your arguments persuasive and insightful.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: