IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some children can learn more efficiently by watching TV. Therefore, children should watch TV regularly both in school and at home? Do you agree or disagree?

In today's era, young people prefer watching
TV
Use synonyms
 as they think it is an easy way to learn.
Students
Use synonyms
 must adopt
this
Linking Words
 method of learning in school
as well as
Linking Words
 at home. I strongly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 I will explain my point of view in
this
Linking Words
 essay
along with
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 some strong examples.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, one of the most important points which
oppose
Correct subject-verb agreement
opposes
show examples
 watching
TV
Use synonyms
 is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 bad effect on the eyes.
This
Linking Words
 means
students
Use synonyms
 get an opportunity and fully fledged permission to sit in front of televisions for a longer time
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
affected
Wrong verb form
affects
show examples
 their eyes badly.
Moreover
Linking Words
, UV rays emitted from screens directly
impacted
Wrong verb form
impact
show examples
 on eyes.
As a result
Linking Words
, eyesight gets weaker
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 children face difficulties with viewing. For example,
In
Fix capitalization
in
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2020
Punctuation problem
2020,
show examples
 many schools
opt
Wrong verb form
opted for
show examples
 the method of digital learning in which many
students
Use synonyms
has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 to suffer from serious eye disorders.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, Online learning can be a means of distraction. During lectures, many
students
Use synonyms
 try to play video games or perform other activities rather than studying subjects.
This
Linking Words
 means a child's mind can
distract
Wrong verb form
be distracted
show examples
 from their studies and is unable to concentrate on
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 studies or the teacher's lectures.
For instance
Linking Words
,
During covid
Use the right word
during COVID
show examples
 times, many school kids prefer to do some interesting activities
instead
Linking Words
listening
Correct word choice
of listening
show examples
 to boring history from teachers.
As a result
Linking Words
, they lack interest in historical topics. In a nutshell, the
TV
Use synonyms
 may be an effective method of learning
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
students
Use synonyms
' health and quality of study strongly oppose the idea of watching
TV
Use synonyms
 both in school and at home.

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development
Add more detailed proof. Give two or three strong reasons and connect each to your view.
coherence
Use clearer links between ideas. Use short, simple sentences to keep flow clear.
stance
You take a clear stand from the start.
examples
You give real examples such as the COVID time to back your point.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • visual learning
  • complementary resource
  • educational content
  • engagement
  • motivation
  • balance
  • moderation
  • screen time
  • curriculum
  • interpersonal interactions
  • distraction
  • academic performance
  • stimulating curiosity
  • high-quality programming
  • information retention
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