IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

#time #population #countries #adults #people #situation
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Despite it being thought that
the
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apply
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one-
third
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 of the world population will be young adults and
rest
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the rest
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 of the people will be old aged after 10 years, there are some controversies about the increasing of young.
However
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, I believe essay advantages of the young population outweigh the disadvantages. On the one hand, the main disadvantage of increasing the number of young people is unemployment. When graduates completed their studies, they failed to manage
the
Change the word
their
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 jobs for the lack of vacancies.
For example
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, recently a report has been published in the daily newspaper that in the
last
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 three years the rate of jobless adults are increased drastically in Bangladesh, and they are becoming stressed severely.
Consequently
Linking Words
, they tend to
engaged
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engage
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 themselves with
the
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apply
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criminal offences and
drugs
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drug
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 activities which could be detrimental
for
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to
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the
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apply
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society. Even worse, many of them have been choosing
the
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apply
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suicidal attempts to avoid
this
Linking Words
 circumstance.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the world is being benefited by young professionals
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
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apply
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tremendous ways. If young individuals face
the
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apply
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difficulties
to
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in
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Correct your spelling
getting
geeting
Correct your spelling
getting
 a job, they try to invent new things
instead
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 of waiting.
For instance
Linking Words
, a study has shown that most of the innovations in the universe have been introduced by young people.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, they belong
amazing
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to amazing
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 attributes including painstaking,
energetic
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energy
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,
courageous
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courage
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 and so many
.
Correct quantifier usage
others.
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 The most important uniqueness of
youngstars
Correct your spelling
youngsters
young stars
 would be
startup
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the startup
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 business concept
by
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of
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 solving numerous problems apart from the conventional way.
As a result
Linking Words
, they
Correct your spelling
contributed
contibuted
Correct your spelling
contributed
 to the economy vastly in some countries because most of the population
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 involved with
the
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apply
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earning money. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
large
Change the article
a large
the large
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 number of young could be harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
the
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apply
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society, its advantages outraced the drawbacks undoubtedly.
Submitted by ataul.mumit on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographic
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • innovation
  • skilled labor
  • social development
  • technology
  • dividend
  • competition
  • resources
  • social welfare
  • unrest
  • instability
  • healthcare
  • elderly care
What to do next:
Look at other essays: