Mobile phones should be banned in public places such as libraries and shops and on public transport. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is widely believed that
cell
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phones
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should be prohibited fully in public areas
such
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as libraries, supermarkets, or on means of public transport.
However
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, I strongly disagree with
this
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argument for several reasons. Inhibiting the
use
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of mobile
phones
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could limit many kinds of transactions. In terms of retail, some
people
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need to
use
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mobile
phones
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to pay for their payments at the markets, convenience stores, and grocery stores. From the perspective of transport, more and more transportation companies sell tickets via QR (quick-respond) codes or online applications which are integrated into customers’
cell
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phones
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.
In addition
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, some universities and libraries require students to check in online on their mobile
phones
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. There are compelling reasons to say that the prohibition of using mobile
phones
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would affect negatively
people
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, and it could even constrain the development of various aspects
such
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as technology, transportation and education. Granted, once a person uses his or her mobile phone in
such
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public places, others might feel bothersome because they can not have a quiet atmosphere to concentrate.
However
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, I believe that inhibiting the
use
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of mobile
phones
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could not change
this
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problem dramatically because
people
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are surrounded by many kinds of noise
such
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as vehicles and chatting noise. Meanwhile, some negative effects may happen if local or national authorities ban the
use
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of
cell
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phones
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, especially in
such
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urgent situations.
People
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might need to
use
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their
cell
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phones
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,
for instance
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, to call the police to immediately announce about accident, robbery, or fire case.
This
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action could help the community avoid
such
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severe consequences. There is a piece of convincing evidence to say that the
use
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of mobile
phones
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in
such
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public areas is necessary. In conclusion, the
use
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of mobile
phones
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could engender some problems, I strongly believe that governments or local authorities should not ban them in public areas because of their benefits in many fields
such
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as education, transport, and technology and in emergency cases.
Submitted by phuongdong.nguyentran on

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structure
Your essay begins and concludes with clear positions, effectively bookending your argument. Maintain this structural clarity in all essays. However, consider enriching the introduction with a more nuanced thesis statement that previews the arguments to follow.
examples
You've included relevant examples, but to score higher, provide specific real-world scenarios or data to substantiate your claims. This strengthens the credibility of your arguments and illustrates a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
logic
For greater coherence, transition smoothly between paragraphs and ideas uses linking words and phrases. This creates a natural 'flow' in your writing, making it easier for the reader to follow your logic and understand your position.
development
While you present comprehensive ideas, ensure each paragraph has a clear central topic. Develop each topic fully before transitioning to the next, avoiding any abrupt shifts in focus.
argumentation
You've responded to the task with a complete argument and have provided relevant examples. To enhance clarity, make sure every argument counters a potential rebuttal succinctly. Present a fully developed stance on each point rather than just stating it.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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