Mobile phones should be banned in public places such as libraries and shops and on public transport. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is widely believed that
cell
phones
should be prohibited fully in public areas such
as libraries, supermarkets, or on means of public transport. However
, I strongly disagree with this
argument for several reasons.
Inhibiting the use
of mobile phones
could limit many kinds of transactions. In terms of retail, some people
need to use
mobile phones
to pay for their payments at the markets, convenience stores, and grocery stores. From the perspective of transport, more and more transportation companies sell tickets via QR (quick-respond) codes or online applications which are integrated into customers’ cell
phones
. In addition
, some universities and libraries require students to check in online on their mobile phones
. There are compelling reasons to say that the prohibition of using mobile phones
would affect negatively people
, and it could even constrain the development of various aspects such
as technology, transportation and education.
Granted, once a person uses his or her mobile phone in such
public places, others might feel bothersome because they can not have a quiet atmosphere to concentrate. However
, I believe that inhibiting the use
of mobile phones
could not change this
problem dramatically because people
are surrounded by many kinds of noise such
as vehicles and chatting noise. Meanwhile, some negative effects may happen if local or national authorities ban the use
of cell
phones
, especially in such
urgent situations. People
might need to use
their cell
phones
, for instance
, to call the police to immediately announce about accident, robbery, or fire case. This
action could help the community avoid such
severe consequences. There is a piece of convincing evidence to say that the use
of mobile phones
in such
public areas is necessary.
In conclusion, the use
of mobile phones
could engender some problems, I strongly believe that governments or local authorities should not ban them in public areas because of their benefits in many fields such
as education, transport, and technology and in emergency cases.Submitted by phuongdong.nguyentran on
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structure
Your essay begins and concludes with clear positions, effectively bookending your argument. Maintain this structural clarity in all essays. However, consider enriching the introduction with a more nuanced thesis statement that previews the arguments to follow.
examples
You've included relevant examples, but to score higher, provide specific real-world scenarios or data to substantiate your claims. This strengthens the credibility of your arguments and illustrates a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
logic
For greater coherence, transition smoothly between paragraphs and ideas uses linking words and phrases. This creates a natural 'flow' in your writing, making it easier for the reader to follow your logic and understand your position.
development
While you present comprehensive ideas, ensure each paragraph has a clear central topic. Develop each topic fully before transitioning to the next, avoiding any abrupt shifts in focus.
argumentation
You've responded to the task with a complete argument and have provided relevant examples. To enhance clarity, make sure every argument counters a potential rebuttal succinctly. Present a fully developed stance on each point rather than just stating it.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite