IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Most of the people want to achieve a balance between work and other aspects of life but only a few of them are able to do so. What are the reasons behind failure to achieve a balance in this regard and what steps can be taken to improve this situation.

#people #balance #work #aspects #life #failure #steps #situation
Nowadays, everyone is working two jobs to meet the needs of their families.In
this
 race, some
people
 got success to maintain the outside and
work
life
 with happiness and joy but, most of them failed due to various reasons. I will explain some reasons for and failure of
this
 concept in the following paragraphs.
Firstly
, some folks are workaholics. They thought everything in their
life
 is related to
work
.
As a result
, they do not spend their time with families which
further
 results in a generation gap. There will be no bond between children and parents.
Consequently
, children would go to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
bad company because of the careless and more working hours of the parents.
Furthermore
, due to inflation,
people
 are working two jobs to fulfil their expenses. In
this
 way,
people
 could lose interest in their outside
life
. Because working straight for 15 hours can make anyone tired.
In addition
 , in the
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
end one
person
 can lose the friend circle and when he or she feels stressed they have no one to handle which
further
 contributes to a suicide attempt to a
person
. There
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 various solutions which can be taken to solve
this
 issue.
Firstly
, companies allow a
person
 to
work
 for only five days and give them two days off to spend with their families and friends.
Also
, companies make sure that no one can bother a
person
 who is on his off day unless or until it is very important.
Secondly
, companies should pay well to employees so that they feel no need to
second
 jobs.
Consequently
, they can enjoy the outside
life
. To sum up, it is said that excess of anything is bad. So
people
 should balance their lives with
work
 and family.
Submitted by kaurparm41 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: